:D

2009-06-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

Changing url :D

http://www.never-fairytale.livejournal.com

Starting afresh. (:

2009-05-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

Went KC family day with pam.

Was.. No comments.

Cassan: Not much pretty girls.

Went pp after that.

Played arcade. :D Damn fun.

Haha. Tried new games. (:

Ate dinner then went home.

Pam left 1st without me.

Poor thing. Hahah. But thanks anw.

I'm tempted. REAL tempted..

2009-05-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

Just saw the pics Eileen uploaded.
ZOMG. MY SEC 1 PICS.
No offence. But like shit sia.
But some memories gushed into my head.
Siao liao.I look freaking ugly. PRI 6 KIDDO!

My old school:
Super nice environment. Miss it.
Especially the old basketball court.
AND thee endless field.

Past pics with friends.

Apparently i hate to take pics in the past.

2009-05-18T05:21:00.000-07:00

Went to umpire juniors match today.
B div walk over due to their absent.
C div lost. But not sure bout the scores.

Damn long never play with b div 09' alr.
Damn miss them. Played some shooting game.
Lost a cup of milo and a 50 cent drink to Naomi.
And a cup of milo to Sophia. :D

Quite fun. :D Hahah

2009-05-14T05:29:00.000-07:00

Went out with Moy Mau & Ger today.

No school. :D Sleep till damn late.

And of course. I'm late again. :P

Moy treated all of us to ICHIBAN.

70 plus. Zomg. Damn sorry moy.

Went shopping at cotton on.

Moy bought a pair of flats and cardigan.

Mau and Ger both bought a pair of flats.

I'm the only empty handed one. :D

Went to watched uninvited. Damn scary.

Everyone was like screaming.

1st ghost show watched in cinema ever.

Lmao. Had a great time. :D

Went home straight after the movie.

And i'm just became the new childish person
:D Hah. SO FUNNY

2009-05-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers' Day!

Went out for celebration. (:
At Pasir Ris. The food was alright.
Was rather enjoyable. (:

SOP II

Quite fun :D Took damn many pics (:

2009-04-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not posting for so long.

Lazy luh. :P

The following pictures are from

27th March: Sports Day

30th March: Camwhore in class
3rd April: CIP

3rd-4th April: Sec 1 induction camp

Dk what day: Class pictures

2009-03-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

I CAN NOW SO CONCLUDE THAT..
PL GIRLS ANYHOW SPREAD RUMOURS.
I'M SO GONNA LAUGH OUT LOUD.
THERE'S RUMOUR SAYING I KISSED..
SUEANN CHOW. LMAO. SMART!

2009-03-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

Went ZOO today with cousins. :D

ZOMG. Deprived childhood. Lmao.

2009-03-16T04:44:00.000-07:00

Friends & sis's friends came over today.
Lmao. Rather lame but nvm. (:

CONFESSIONS

I'm with chow for 8 months. (:

We thought no one knew, but

IT CAME INTO LIGHT TODAY.

I l her. Really. We're happy together too.

(: Hee. Thanks so much. <3

Heyy pretty. Thanks for the post too.

2009-03-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

Had sudoku challenged today.
Quite alright. Hahah. Just damn cold.
We won 1st in overall. Lmao. :D
Ate quite a lot. Had fun. (:
Wants to creae a shirt. TEAM PL SUDOKU!

OH JIA MIN
RACHEL THIAN
NIKKI CHAN
RITA HALIM

2009-03-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

2009-03-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

MILO TRYathlon

Had milo tryathlon yesterday.
Woke up like 4 plus for it. ZOMG!
Damn tired. Then all was in a mess.
Shouldn't say much bout it. BUT...
It was fun. AS A TEAM. (maybe 1/2)

Spent the whole day in Sentosa.
But just apparently walking up & down,
And sitting there watch volleyball match.
Hahah. I'M WITH SOMEONE YOU DK.
:D So whoever you're thinking, don't think!

Today. A... day. :D 080308. HEE. (:

2009-03-04T05:43:00.000-08:00

Last training & last match.
I cried like hell.
Not because we lost the match.
But because we are leaving soon.
Sigh. I fucking miss them.

& SOO! Drink water.
Take care of your health!

2009-03-02T05:16:00.000-08:00

Thanks for everything you all have done.
Though we might not make it through,
But it's enough. For we are a team. (:
Thanks for putting in so much effort.
Thanks for puuting in so much time.
All the sweat are not wasted,
All the tears are not wasted.
For we know, this team will always be one.

Though we lost as a fighter,
My tears still uncontrollably flow down.
My team did everything but to no avail.
But it's just the beginning. (:
We will bring glory to PL once again
& prove we are more than what people see.

I love them & this will never change.
Thanks. (:

2009-02-27T05:27:00.000-08:00

Match VS PRC

We lost, but as a fighter. (:
Nothing much to say but..
HAZIMAH KISSED TAN'S CHEEKS!
Zomg. I'm more than just shocked.

Should be going tmr.
Last went out like 1.. 2 months ago.
Hahah. But go out like not going out
To prepare the SUPER late v day presents.

2009-02-13T06:35:00.000-08:00

VALENTINE'S DAY <333

I love today man! Though it's friday 13th.
Recieved quite a amount of presents.
But the one that really touched me is Lyndon's present.
(I know he not my friend but nehmind luh. :D)
He gave the whole class a rose & a note.
Mine was white rose with a funny note.
That's what everyone says. I know he loves my fbt.
OPPS! Please don't think wrongly. :D

Friday 13th but no training. (Suppoingly have)
Recieved present form m ng & ms han. Team pic. :D
Quite an alright day. Love it, miss it. ):
Let's get emo. Last year in PL. So gonna miss it.
Sigh. Sadness. Sadness. Sadness.
Anw. HAPPY V' DAY PEOPLE! <3

2009-02-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

This is just gonna be a short post.

& i guess i won't be posting for a period of time.

Lazy, tired & lazy tired. Hah.

Starting from last Saturday.

Last Saturday had flag day.

Partnered with Amanda Liew. Yup. No details.

Then went mei's house to kinda bai nian.

Brought sis along. Min brought sis along too.

First 1 hour or so i bai nian-ing & eating.

Then like don't know how long, we GAMBLE!

Had dinner out with family & sis.

Lazy to write details. Picture will do. Hah.

Sunday went Issac' birthday party.

Quite fun. Swim, eat & collect ang bao. :D

Then bought twilight. Yay. Like FINALLY.

Lazy. Again. Hah.

3rd netball match. The scores..

50:08

40:10

This match. 51:2

Good? idk. Too lazy to think.

& i realise i love the word "hah" :D

2009-01-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday LEE HUANG & COACH AI LIN!
Sorry for being late but yeah. :D

Took lots of pictures on friday :D
We went A LITTLE crazy. Hah.
Took pictures of the C div too.
Went pizzahut to celebrate (on top) birthdays.
Had like super lots fun, pranking them.
Posting the pictures at the bottom of the post.
I miss Coach Ai Lin. She's longer our coach,
But our opponents coach. Sigh. ):

Went out on Sat to catch Red Cliff 2.
The show is super nice. Must go watch.
Damn touching. :D Though it should be action.
Sun stayed at home to watch DVD.
Watched Ip Man & Witness i think
The son of Ip man is super cute. Must watch.
Hahah. :D

Had fever on monday. Moy. Don't worry.
Hahah. :D I know you very worried about me.

I've made a mistake in the past that hurt many people.
& I'm regretting deeply now. Sorry..

2009-01-14T06:28:00.000-08:00

Everything changed and i fcuking hate it.
I miss you & i want you back.

CM's busy. Again. Anything.
Not in the mood.
Tired, Angry, Sad, wtf am i thinking now.

2009-01-14T06:11:00.000-08:00

God, thanks for bringing my team together.
I will like to bring Jia Min, Jocleen & Rachel Tan into your hands lord.
Please do bless Jia Min that her ankle will heel soon.
Please do bless that Jocleen can join us in training soon.
Please do bless that Tan's family problem will be solved soon.
God, Thank you for the blessings in disguise you gave us.
Please bless the B div with no injuries & problems
So we can set our mind for the upcoming Zonals.
And please look over the C div for their 1st match this friday.
Thank you lord for everything.
-Amen-

2009-01-13T04:37:00.000-08:00

My wish now:
Hoping my clique will never split.

I'm fcuking breaking down now. Fuck.
I don't want any of us to leave.
I miss the happy times we had together.
I want you back. A lot.
I want us back as a whole.
Please..

I guess it's just my retribution.
I always ditch them alone in the past.
And now they wanna leave.
I'm sorry if i did anything wrong.
I want us back again.
Even if it takes anything. ):

-Well, we're taking a step; it's a baby step, but it's still a step.

2009-01-06T10:05:00.000-08:00

THANKS BABE! :D

2008-12-31T08:12:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May you have a promising year ahead!

Out at 5 plus. Homed at like 11 plus.
Damn tired now. Sian. Didn't countdown cause
Dad say it's too late. But isn't 11 plus the same.

Went PS. Starbucks-ed 1st. Then Swenson-ed.
Was actually quite fun luh. :D
But i'm like super damn fcuking pissed by my phone.
I wanna send message & it can't send through.
But some already seemed to recieved it. WTF.
PISSED!

But Cassandra kinda made my day.
She called to tel me she recieved my mesage.
Then joked about the jia you i wrote.
We were like making fun of it & it's super funny.
Thanks Cassan. For making me smile. :D

Anyway. I was like damn happy today after going to the bank.
I earned like 600 plus 700 in just December.
YAY! Zomg. I was like super high. :D

Thanks for all your wishes. ILY <3

2008-12-29T06:37:00.000-08:00

I'm bored & rather sian planing for 31st.
So i started counting my eeyores. :D
I got like 7 eeyore things. :D
4 soft toys, 1 cup, 1 key chain & 1 glass figurine.
I know i'm crazy, but realy very cute luh. :D

There is no happily ever after in real life.

2008-12-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
Including those i already wished,
Those that wished me & those i've yet to wish.
Thanks so much. greatly appreciated. :D

I wish you a merry christmas,
I wish you a merry christmas,
I wish you a merry christmas
& a happy.... new year. :D

Hahah. Had a super wonderful day today.
Was a little late for work. Lmao.
FTL & Alina know why. Lmao. Secret.
Today's the last day 8 9 10 will work together.
Damn ultra super sad lor. Took 3 pics,
1 by each of us, to keep as momento. ):
Today wasn't busy, so we were like.. playing.
Hahah. & Jenny gave all of us christmas gift leh.
Zomg. The manager that we all scared. Hahah.
She also bought dinner for all of us but 8 9 10 never eat.
Cause after work, FTL & I went to eat pastamania.

I wanna watch Bedtime story & Yes man! ):

2008-12-21T09:53:00.000-08:00

Baby's breath.

Always a supporting role of the other beautiful flowers.

But when you found someone who appreciates you,

Thinking that you are the main role,

I guess you should be happy that you found..

Happiness.

Happy birthday SOPHIA CHENGCHENGCHENGCHENG!

HAHAH. I miss you loads man.

& your cow toy as birthday present damn hard to find. Lol. :D

2008-12-20T11:39:00.000-08:00

Watching the same show as cute monster.
We are like going crazy now. Hahah (!!!)

2008-12-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

WORK! WORK! WORK!

Sian big time. Have been working non-stop for like..
Dunno how many days. Finally i can like rest tomorrow.

Today damn fun lor. 8 9 10 all came. Finally, G-O-S-S-I-P!
We were like playing & talking non-stop. Hahah.
& a lot of vulgarities lor. Shit. Kena influence big time. :P
ALINA talking bout her JIA FONG (not sure how to spell)
FTL talking bout .. I talking bout.. Hahah. Damn fun lor.
& the 8 9 10 is the timing we WERE suppose to go home.

Wah piang. Shit my colleagues. *JOKING! :P
They bully me lor. (It's true) Cause i'm the youngest there.
Ying Ying bout food & in the end i was the last to eat. Sian.
Then i made a stupid joke. NB. xD Then still got a lot funny things.
Hahah. But i think all ending soon.
School starting and everyone seem to be quiting.
Even the QI GUAN YAN, Jia fong. ): Sigh.

Got real addicted to "the l word" thanks to cute monster.
There goes my sleep. Hahah. But it's not bad indeed. :)

2008-12-17T07:26:00.000-08:00

I'm lazy to blog & post pictures. Hah. Hah. Hah.

2008-12-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

I'M LAZY TO BLOG :P

So i gonna cut everything short! :D
Saturday celebrated sis's bithday. Though her actual birthday is like tomorrow.
Gotten her 2 hamsters. Super cute. Their birthdays on 24 Oct. :DD
Went out for movies with cousin. Watched BOLT! Zomg. Damn nice.
I want a dog & a cat. So all my pets can live happily together. :D

Sunday went for work. Busy woman fetch me to work & back.
She bought me eeyore glass figurine that i saw during.
ZOMG. It's damn ex luh. Shouldn't have told her.

Monday got work again. Busy woman send me home.
Sweet? Hahah. She only know how to bully me lor. Sweet your head.
& when did i become terrorist uh. :P
Today had training then work. Naomi & Esmer came to but things.
Later in the day Girlfriend came with her brother.
Sorry girlfriend. I lazy upload those pictures luh. Hahah.

Going out with mum tomorrow then to sis's school.
Wah. Whole week schedule packed again. Only thurs free.
So those i say go out one arh, try to make thurs free for me. :D

I HEREBY PROCLAIM I MISS MY LESBIAN PARTNER,
EUDORA KOAY SAY VEE A LOT A LOT A LOT! ): ) :) : ): ):

2008-12-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FTL!

I know you love me more each day right?

Hahah. Celebrated with her on that day.

YAY! Shan't say much. :P

Yesterday schedule damn packed.

Almost broke down because of all this.

THANK YOU Rachel tan for encouraging me.

It's of great use. Hahah.

THANK YOU LP, GF & FTL for listening to me.

& scold along with me. Hahah.

THANK YOU Sophia & Esmer for rushing me.

Though i'm still late. :P

THANK YOU Boss for allowing me to be late :P
Though i've gotta end late after that.

Hahah. THANKYOUSOMUCH! :D

Tonight had night match. Was raining super heavily.

Went KFC for dinner before that cause match push back.

Had super duper lots of fun, beside some guys. D:

Then was playing like crazy at the waiting area.

Sec 2s also danced their sec 4 farewell dance for seniors to see.

Then Esmer said we're netballer, then dancer then cleaner.

Lmao. Cause we helped clear the court. Had damn lots fun.

Went to change out with Tan. Had a funny conversation.

Yx: Where's your dad?

Tan: Kallang plaza.

Yx: Huh. Where's that?

Tan: I have no idea.

Lmao. We both laughed like hell cause of this.

Home-d round 10 plus. Still thinking if i should go tmr.

Anw. Happy birthday JIA SHYUAN!

I LOVE this song like hell now!

Love Story

Taylor swift

We were both young, when I first saw you.

I close my eyes and the flashback starts.

I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air.

I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns.

I see you make your way through the crowd.

You say hello, little did I know...

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles-

And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"

And I was crying on the staircase,

begging you please don't go...

And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.

I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.

It's a love story, baby, just say yes.

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.

We keep quiet, because we're dead if they knew.

So close your eyes...

escape this town for a little while.

Oh, Oh.

Cause you were Romeo - I was a scarlet letter,

And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"

but you were everything to me.
I was begging you, please don't go.

And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.

I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.

It's a love story, baby, just say yes.

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.

This love is difficult, but it's real.

Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.

It's a love story, baby, just say yes.

Oh, Oh.

I got tired of waiting.

Wondering if you were ever coming around.

My faith in you was fading.

When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said...

Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.

I keep waiting, for you but you never come.

Is this in my head, I don't know what to think.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...

Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.

I love you, and that's all I really know.

I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress

It's a love story, baby just say... yes.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.

We were both young when I first saw you.

I used to love long bus rides.

Especially bus 80 from sengkang to vivo.

But it has been a long time since i took that ride.

I wonder when will i take it again..

2008-11-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

Yours truly is very lazy to blog. Therefore her dearest decided to blog on the behalf of her. But just a short update for this week! :)

Monday - Wednesday
Netball training camp
=
sprained two ankles
=
handicapped.

Thursday
Home slacker

Friday
Training and work.

Saturday
League match

Sunday
Work.

Okay, that's all folks! See ya! :))))))

PS: Lazy pig, better love me more than I love you k!!!!! :D

2008-11-18T05:31:00.000-08:00

Starting time: 21 45 H

Name: Tay Yu Xian
Shoe size: 5/5.5/6
Height: 165cm or so
Where do i live: My house (:
Favourite drinks: A lot. Lazy to state.

Have you ever:
Been on a plane: DUH!
Fallen asleep in school: Like who doesn't.
Broken someone's heart: I guess so..
Fell off your chair: Prank by friends.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: By bed considered?
Saved emails: Some only.

What is your room like: Super messy.
The last thing you ate: Food
Ever had chicken pox: Yup; when i was young.
Sore throat: Having now.
Stiches: During camp.
Broken nose: NEVER!
Do you believe in love at first sight: Kinda..
Like picnics: Never had; never will.
Who was/were the last person/people you danced with: Cant remember. Clarice?
Last time you smiled: Just?
You last yelled at: Not sure.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Yes. (:
Kiss anyone: Nope. ):
Get sick: Yes. ):
Talk to your ex: Yes. (:
Miss someone: Yes. (:
Eat: Yes. (:

Best feeling in the world: L-O-V-E
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Defintely; & a lot.
What’s under your bed: Air.
Who do you really hate: I don't know.

What time is it now: 22 30H

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: YUP!
Do you have any siblings: Younger sis.
Do you want children: I like but no thoughts of giving birth.
Do you smile often: Quite often.
Do you like your hand-writing: Yes, but i want it a little smaller :P
Are your toe nails painted: Yup.
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: :D
What color shirt are you wearing now: Lee house shirt.
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: Eating or sleeping i think.

I can’t wait till: Eh. I don't know.
Are you a friendly person: Kinda.
Do you have any pets: Yup. Guess so.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now: Far far from me.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now: Yes, if i'm not wrong.
Do you sleep with the TV on: If i fall asleep.
What are you doing right now: =.='''
Have you ever crawled through a window: Huh?! No!
Are you too forgiving: I don't know.
Are you closer to your mother or father: None/both.
Who was the last person you cried in front of: Can't remember; my bolster.
How many people can you say you’ve really loved: As in? 3?
Do you eat healthy: Do i look like one?
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex: Yup. (:
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: Yes. ):
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to: I also don't know.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time: LOUD! :D
Are you confident: Guess so.

5 things i was doing 10 years ago:
1. Sleeping
2. Eating
3. Studying
4. Playing
5. :D

5 things on my to-do list today:
Eh. I think today's over.

5 snacks i enjoy:
1. Sweets
2. Tibits
3. Ice-cream
4. Cookies
5. Desserts

5 thing i would do if i'm a millionaire:
Never going to happen.

5 of my bad habits:
1. Lazy
2. Slack
3. Accident prone
4. Love to eat
5 . Lazy again

5 places i have live in:
1. My house
2. PL (School)
3. Camp sites.
4. Gran's house
5. Soya sauce's house

5 jobs i had:
1. Child
2. Friend
3. Lover
4. Classmate
5. Teammate

5 people i tag:
Lazy to think. :P

Ending time: 23 25 H

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Here is the analysis:

1. You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

3. You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

4. Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.

5. Your boyfriend thinks that you are a real doll but this is not a totally positive thing. Sometimes you can be a bit too sweet, and come across as being helpless. If you're like this too frequently, your boyfriend and other people are likely to get tired of you having to rely on them all the time.

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Here is the analysis:

Bright and Cheerful
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

You value your friendships: 80%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

Nosy Level: 50%

You may seem to be a nosy person to some people, but actually you are quite a serious person who's not at all interested in gossip. You just like to know what's going on around you. It's a natural interest and you can get offended when people tell you they think you're a sticky-beak.

Jealousy Level: 40%

You harbor hidden feelings of jealousy

You easily get jealous of other people, but you manage to control your expressions and emotions. For instance, when a close friend tells you that she has met the man of her dreams, you might sincerely say to her "Congratulations!", but what you're really thinking is "You're so lucky! Why can't I be you?"

Here is the analysis:

You can take care of all members in the group very well. You make sure that everybody gets his or her plates during mealtime. You act like a caring mother all the time.

Here is the analysis:

You love fair relationship with your boyfriends. You like a simple wedding. It can merely be cohabitation without wedding, or you live separately with your husband. Despite all these, you will still have a good time together until you become a grandmother or a grandfather. Then, you are still good friends who always living the rest of your life together.

10 quiz. A bit crazy but who cares. Hahah. :D
But i still have a un-answered question.
What is true love?

2008-11-18T04:26:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESBIAN PARTNER!
Sorry it's a little late but nevermind. :P

Went for dinner on her birthday at some place.
Ate seafood leh. Not bad huh. So rich!
Took a lot pictures, again. :p Super fun lor that day.
& for once. The whole clique came. :D

Btw. EUDORA KOAY SAY VEE got 7 new girlfriends!
I love them lots man. <3

Go watch! :D
1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycqZqjRQx_A
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHYphNIVsPg

3. Can't upload yet. ):

Saturday & Sunday went to Malaysia for Gran's birthday.
Did lots of shopping but very little sleep.
Bought something for LP. But it's a little illegal. :P

Monday went mani & pedi with FTL at Toa Payoh.
She did mani and i did pedi. Quite fun and nice luh.
Hahah. The colour also not bad. Maybe will go there again.

Today had triaining. Shan't mention much about it. (:

But.. I sprained my ankle and it's damn pain. ):
Cambridge dinner tonight too. Wonder how everyone's dressed.

Isn't it sweet when someone run for a taxi

And sprained her ankle? Just because of you.

2008-11-11T05:37:00.000-08:00

SENTOSA-ING!

Had training in the morning today.
So was late for clique outing.
Went sentosa to "sun tan" today. Sadly, no sun.
Played volley a while before kena push down the water.
Damn it. So idiot leh them. Push me into the sea
When i was picking up the ball from the sea.

So we sat in it instead & started talking.
We were gossiping bout this group of girls near us.
One bung & 3 passive. Supposingly.
Aiya. Shan't talk bout them. Then played monkey.
Started raining non stop later so went up & bathe.

Went crazy when bathing. Wah. A bit dirty arh. Lmao.
Went vivo for lunch afterwards. Ate at some la mian store.
Damn nice lor the food. Just a little ex. Hahah.
Walk around & played at the rooftop. FAT ONE & LP went home 1st.
MEI, GF, FTL & I went round shopping for bikini. Then home. Lmao.
Meeting my dears on thursday. Hahah. Cause LP's birthday.
Going out for dinner. Her mum treating seafood. :D

P.s. The bikini pics are for tmm. Hahah. :D

To me, my clique matters the most now. :D <3

2008-11-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

Start work today. It's like super fun lor.
Reached vivo on the dot 3. :P Should have reached earlier.
1st Shirley explain the stuff & the price. Zomg.
Then went round helping her, trying to farmiliarize.
1st customer was 2 japenese girls. (Not i serve.)
Both couldn't understand my boss was trying to say wait.
Then i just said it in Jap & my boss was shocked.
She thought i could speak Jap. Lmao.

Then got some gang of bengs came.
They were looking at some card holder thinking it's cigratte box.
When they ask me then i point the boxes at the side.
The guy said "You know i made mistake don't know how to say earlier one leh"
Lmao. Both my boss & i started giggling. Damn funny.
Some couple came & a small quarrel happen.
Wah. Super scary. But i was busy helping customer find beads
So didn't bother. Lmao. The beads also super irritaitng leh.
The colour customer want don't have.
Still need to dig everything out just to find the bead. Zomfg.

Went home after work. A little tired but still alright.
I want more slots! Go work better than staying at home.
More fun. Hahaha. Ohh yar! I gotta wear some apron. Lmao. :D

2008-11-08T06:45:00.000-08:00

For friday:

Last day of my intensive lessons. Short but yeah.

I think such lessons more fun lor. Hahah.

Heard lots of people didn't go for chinese lesson.

Like only 1/4 or even lesser of each class went.

Zomg. Then i think some teacher giving them punishment.

Went home then rest. Waiting for late afternoon to come.

Wore green topshop shirt & white skinnies. Mau wore green too.

Didn't go for "white horse", went for sis year-end concert instead.

Ate macs with FTL. Got a little crazy with her. Lmao.

Watched sis concert. She did some fan dance. Damn ...

Saw chemistry at the concert. She was wearing green too.

Find FTL, LP & FAT ONE in macs after that.

Went a little crazy. Sis took FTL's drink & just walk off. Zomg.

2008-11-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

FOR EUDORA'S SAKE!

1. DO YOU HAVE SECRETS?
Let's see.. DUH!

2. Would you fall in love with a boy younger than you?
No way! I mean the boy part.

3. Do you enjoy going to school?
YES! To see YOU :D

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Uh. Unlikely to happen. :(

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
~~Y-E-S~~; ~~N-O~~; M-A-Y-B-E (:

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Comparison, good practice for SS. I'll stay on the fence. :P

7. What do you think is special?
(:

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
2 ways. Either ~~continue~~ or bye bye. :D

9.Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
Like? Lmao. Secret*

10. Do you have any regrets?
Obviously. Everyone do, right?

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
I'll be 25; ~~young~~OLD! :D

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
Friends (clique) & Family & YOU <3

13. What kind of the person do you think the person tagged you is?
MY AWESOMEST LESBIAN PARTNER! In short, EUDORA KOAY SAY VEE! :D

14. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Not married nor rich. Confused? Me too. :D

15. What is your favourite colour?
LIME GREEN! Which is this colour. :D

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
I did & i guess i will.

17. What would you do if someone whom you hate ask for your forgiveness?
I............ Don't know?

18. Would you forgive & forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Sound the same as Qn 17. No creativity leh!

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
:D

20. MY DARLINGS WHO MUST MUST DO THIS QUIZ :D
Eudora say all. Not fun already. Hahah!

2008-11-06T06:20:00.001-08:00

FALLEN SICK! Was like super terrible for the whole day.
Wore jacket though it's damn hot. ):
Went home earlier cause Hcl cancelled.
Had lunch at Upper Serangoon shopping centre with Gran.
Wanted to watch movie at Lynn's house but decided not to go out.

Wasn't feeling well in the afternoon but like no one free. ):
So watch tv & tried to sleep. Parents back-ed. Ate.
Then they give me panadol to eat. ): I'm sick. ): Hate this feeling.

Going for concert tmr. Most prob my sis's concert. Cause been to 1. :P
Will be going to the CC alone so going LP's house for dinner 1st.
Saturday going work, sunday tuition, monday training, tuesday sentosa-ing
Wednesday training, thursday dinner-ing for LP's birthday, friday training again.
Packed schedule huh? I wonder will i even be able to cope. Die. ):

Don't leave. Not now.
I know i shouldn't,
But i'm missing you. <3

2008-11-06T05:57:00.000-08:00

For Wednesday:

Ended chinese. It's quite ok. :D I was damn excited for the test man!
Then after the exam i keep telling Moy I want more Os.
It's like go in, take paper, do the paper & enjoy the super cold air-con.
No stress, only quiet. Hahah. Rather retarded but it's fun! :D

Had lessons after that. Quite boring. :P But.. NEH MIND.
Sat outside with Cassan waiting for the A maths B1 banded class people.
They damn long lor. They say what talk politics for 10 mins.
Hahah. Lucky my a maths teacher don't talk bout other stuff beside math.
Was talking to Cassan bout some crap. But heyy. I know your dirty little secret.
Ok. Maybe it's not dirty nor little nor secret, but who cares. Hahah.

Went out with LP, FTL, FAT ONE, LYNN & BF to Hougang mall.
But in the end BF went home 1st. Erm yeah. (:
Had some super duper lame joke bout Xiao wei when on the bus & bus-stop.
LP: What is sit car in chinese?
XW: 坐车
LP: What is sit boat in chinese?
XW: 坐船
LP: What is sit areoplane in chinese?
XW:坐机 (which sound like 做鸡)
She still can say 坐鸡的时候,我也会头晕 to teacher. Lmao.

Went home earlier cause.. :D

2008-11-04T06:43:00.000-08:00

10 more hours to my Os.
ZOMFG! I'm like freaking out.
Ok. Actually maybe not.
Everyone made it sound easy so..
Not much pressure luh. :P

Going to have lessons after paper tmr.
Walau. No time to rest at all leh.
):

I realise it's super duper fun talking to Mau.
We can go crazy talking bout *** stuff.
Hahah. Must conference again!!!! :D

Anw. PEOPLE!! JIA YOU JIA YOU!
Must get As. :D

2008-11-02T07:06:00.000-08:00

Fking Sucky sunday.

Hate today. Damn suck. Started off quarreling with parents.
Then because of that i've got to cancel today's job.
Then moody for the whole day.
Next, discuss with Girlfriend bout tmr & in the end. CANCELLED!
Saw a few dreses that's like super nice. But the prices alo super "nice".
Haiz. I'm too poor to get them. Forget it man. ):

Then talk to SHEEENYIN! And she talk to me in a damn no feeling way.
Walau. Hurt me deeply. ): Sad man.
Lucky she said something MORE FEELING in the end. Lmao
SHEEENYIN: I just came out of a salty flooded area.
Salty because of your tears
Flooded because you cried a lot

Zomfg. She made me miss her man! Walau.
Sheeenyin alo dunno how to comfort people one lor.
That time say what "if still cry will dehydrate. So must stop."
She's like super damn best. Lmao.

Sucky day, yes. But i do miss lots & lots of people.
#001 B!
#002 LP!
#003 SHEEENYIN!
#004 GIRLFRIEND!
#005 MUMMY! (I mean clarice yung ping :P)
MANY MANY MORE. Sorry if i didn't include you. I lazy. :P

Like 3 days or so to my Chinese Os. ZOMFG. I haven't been studying.
Super freaking out now. But like what others say. What to study for chinese.
Sigh. Just try to do some practice in the next few days.
Hope it works cause i'm way too lazy. :P
My parents, little sis & tuition teacher doesn't even know my exam is here.
A bit failure huh. Lmao. Actually. I hid the dates from them. :P
In any case, just jia you & try to get a A for my strong subject. ):

I love you Baby

2008-11-02T05:55:00.001-08:00

For friday:
Had Hcl class in the morning.
Ended early cause last day of extra lessons.
Was bored & rather emo. So sat 62 with Mii wei
She got down early but i continued till it went back school.
Got emo on the bus. Suddenly felt so lonely. ):

Got down the bus then realise i lost my bottle.
(Actually is left on the damn bus)
Idiot. Super sad! )):

Does love really exist? Will the person you love, love you back?
If that is the case, ahy is so many people getting hurt by love?
Forget it. ):

Anw. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FATTEST ONE!
Hahah. Though thi is a late post, but my message isn't.
Lmao. I know you love me loads right. FAT ONE.
I still sleep with you before leh.. Hahah. I shy! :P
And happy birthday to Mr Lim who' birthday is like last sunday.

2008-10-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

YAY(!!!)
I'M ABLE TO ACCESS THROUGH HERE.
LOUSY EMAIL WITH STUPID PASSWORDS.
BUAHAHAHAS ;D
EVEN A TODDLER KNOWS HOW TO ENTER HERE.

TAYYUXIAN, NI HAO LAN ORH(!!)

PS: HACKER LOVE SAMANTHA.
AND SO DOES SAMANTHA LOVES HACKER :)

2008-10-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

Zomg. Went for hcl lesson in the morning.

Then met Mau to go for interview.

The "interview" lasted like 5 mins & done.

We got the job. Lmao. Fast right? Hahah.

I wonder why go all the way down to Bugis.

Went Heartland to buy lunch and went my house.
Gran wasn't home. I guess out with some auntie again.
We ate damn lot. I guess the fullest meal i had for a long time.
Then both of us went to bathe. ONE BY ONE!
Afterwards, the high part begins.

We start singing non stop. (I got mics at home)
And we went totally high singing 怎么办
I was on the chair & Mau was on my bed.
I think i turn a little childish & i start saying "I shy"
Then either hide behind my softtoys or under my blanket.

I don't know what happen but we both ended up on my bed.
One on each side. (Please don't anyhow think)
We were like hitting each other with my softtoys.
She pick up peanuts & the eeyore with the drum and throw it aside.
Then we started playing with almost all the eeyores.

I wanted to scare her by touching her when i put both hands up.
So i tried touching her with my foot.
But it's super hard & in the end she realised. Stupid luh. Lmao.

Everyone. I hereby announce Mau is BIAN TAI!
She went to watch some mv Wanleng watched with nudity inside
And she was trying to strip the clothes of my softtoys. Zomg.

YX: The hair on the back of the eeyore make it look like horse.
Mau: Yar true hor. But look more like pony leh.
*Silence.
YX: Actually, eeyore is a donkey right?
Mau: Ohh yar hor.
Laughters.

You see. We both really went crazy like hell.
I even had a super crazy idea. Hahah.
We made a mv of my eeyores & peanuts with "怎么办"
ZOMG! I think we really crazy already.

Walk Mau home afterwards.
Was singing "Superman" while walking home. Lmao.
She almost got bang by car cause she wasn't looking
Then lucky some auntie and i called her & tried pulling her back.
If not, no more Maureen Lee Loei Ling already. Hahah.

2008-10-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

Went Parkway with family today.

Wanted to go cycling with sis but it was raining heavily.

So just went to shop, eat & back home.

Went Isetan cause wanna see her toys.

I saw this baby eeyore that i love damn much

But dirty and don't have new stock.

Wanted to buy then hang on my phone but.. Haiz. Sad.

Lmao. HINT HINT*! Joking. xD

My parents keep asking me whether i want anything

And keep trying to give me money to buy stuff.

A bit weird but who cares.

Then went to Jack's place to have my dinner.

I guess it's becaue we skip lunch so we had a 5 plus dinner.

A bit sua ku but it's my 1st time eating in Jack's place,

My 1st time eating steak & i know nothing.

I hold my knife on my left hand & i don't seem to be able to cut that damn meat.

Super retarded. Lmao.

I almost spit out the lobster meat my mum gave me.

Lmao. I must admit what FTL say.

"Yu Xian, you're mising out damn lots stuff

While having desserts, my sis & i were singing Superman.

Damn retarded. She admited she's a loser.

"Yeah 我是Superman

Yeah 我是Superman

Yeah 我是Loser"

Lmao. Super funny lor.

Bought 女人KTV for that to put in his car.

Lmao. If i not wrong, he quite like it.

Went giant to buy things.

Finally i found my transparent umbrella.

Some more it's green in colour leh. Zomg.

Went home & was listening to the disc on dad's car.

We were like singing damn loudly & went crazy.

Those songs quite old yet my sis also know.

Imagine the scene. Lmao.

Got a little emo during some songs.

Super sad lor the lyrics. Hahah.

Homed then listen to more of the song.

Having super bad headache. Damn * up.

Put some lyrics at the bottom. Super meaningful.

至少还有你

林忆莲

我怕来不及我要抱着你

直到感觉你的皱纹有了岁月的痕迹

直到肯定你是真的直到失去力气

为了你我愿意

动也不能动也要看着你

直到感觉你的发线有了白雪的痕迹

值到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸

让我们形影不离

如果全世界我也可以放弃

至少还有你值得我去珍惜

而你在这里就是生命的奇迹

也许全世界我也可以忘记

就是不愿意失去你的消息

你掌心的痣我终记得在那里

我们好不容易我们身不由己

我怕时间太快不够将你看仔细

我怕时间太慢日夜担心失去你

恨不得一夜之间白头永不分离

记得

张惠妹

谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我

以前的一句话是我们以后的伤口

过了太久没人记得当初那些温柔

我和你手牵手说要一走到最后

我们都忘了这条路走了多久

心中是清楚的有一天有一天都会停的

让时间说真话虽然我也害怕

在天黑了以后我们都不知道会不会有以后

我们都累了却没办法往回走

两颗心都迷惑怎么说怎么说都没有救

情爱的为什么也许你也不懂

两个相爱的人等着对方先说想分开的理由

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候

我和你的眼中看见不同的天空

走得太远终于走到分岔路的路口

是不是你和我要有两个相反的梦

我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后

2008-10-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

Heyy .

Don't feel so stress anymore.

Slowly do. I won't disturb you.

You can do it. (:

Work is never ending. Think optimistic.

You feel the joy after you finish each project right?

That's something good what.

So smile and stop being so stress.

I'll take care of myself.

Don't go prepare any honey drink for me alr.

You so busy. I can manage it myself. (:

Jia You! <3s

P.s. The pictures are something to cheer you up.

Hahah. Hope it works. (:

2008-10-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

Tears keep rolling down.
I really miss 3B1 08' a lot a lot.
You 3! You better come find us everyday.
I don't care! ):

Sheeenyin! Sorry i cried on your pinafore.
You might not want to wash it.
So you'll have my smell with you forever.
Lmao. Joking. But must miss me ok??
I'll promise i'll stop crying alr.
If not i'll dehydrate. :D

LP! You too.
I'm gonna pull you out every holiday!
Whether you free a not. Hahah.
You dare to say no i kill you! :P

Thank you Cassan & Hui Ying.
For trying to comfort me. (:
Though it didn't really work. Hahah.

We will always be 3B1 08'.
This is a fact and it'll never change.
Remember. Come find me when you have problems.
And we must celebrate every occasion together. (:
I'll remember you forever..

2008-10-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!

For Thursday:
Late for school today.
Ying Ching. Sorry couldn't sit with you on the last day.
)):

Took back report book the went for break.
Congrats #1 Shenna #2 Ying Ching #3 FTL #4 Cassan & Sam Ang.
Smart arh you people. HAHAH.
That LP arh. Never come again. Idiot.
But still managed to take full group picture together.

Went back class for spring cleaning. Lmao.
My class is super dirty. But whole clas help
And it's like spick & span now. Hahah.
Took pictures while cleaning. A bit no hand but neh mind.
Still don't have a full picture as a class. Sad
Expected people to cry. But nothing happen.
BF, Huang, FTL & I took charge in mopping.
So we went late for the last assembly of the year.

After assembly was the teary part.
Went to hug Eggy then almost cried thanks to childish.
Held back but all came down when i know Sheeenyin retaining
And i don't bare to not see her in my class next year.
Hug her for like damn long and cried non-stop.
I think i freak quite a few people out.
Sorry Sheeenyin. Made you cried too. )):
Couldn't control myself then. Haiz. Damn idiot leh her!
Haiz!

Went LP's house afterwards. Watch some movie.
Shouldn't say much beside "GER! YOUR SCREAMS SUPER LOUD!"
Hahah. Retarded like hell.
When we were about to go home.
Our dearest FTL lost her phone & we search up & down for it.
Everyone helped and we took damn long.
Then i saw her hp pouch and opened it.
NOT surprisingly, it was inside.
WTH! Everyone was like laughing like hell. Lmao.
Homed after that.

To all those who went China. Take care & be careful.
I demand presents! :DD

2008-10-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

NEWater trip.

For wednesday:
That idiot EUDORA KOAY arh!
Don't know how to choose day to fall sick.
Fall sick on the day all of us came.

Had dance module in the morning.
The whole level together.
Lmao. Rather uncomfortable but very fun.
Hahah. Learnt 3 dance at 1 go.

Then had christmas service.
It's getting more boring each year.
Sec 1 that year is the ultra best! Lmao.

Went back class for some bonding.
Mr Lim brought us to the chapel beside to take pictures.
Lmao. It's super warm inside.

Went for lunch then to NEWater.
Nothing much to say bout the trip beside the guide.
Her english is like super good. ZOMG.
Just that she keep calling us darling.
And come on baby. Weird. Lmao.

During somewhere in NEWater.
We had a catwalk. But only 3 teachers & 3 students.
3B1 i represented by some teacher and Mii Wei.
(Sorry can't include video. Come look for me if you wanna watch)

Took lots of pictures. But some a bit unglam.
Played a lot then almost fell into the fish pond.
I asked a super retarded question.
"Is the pond water made of NEWater?"
The all gave me a lame look & asked me to drink the water.
Hahaha! I didn't know mah.

Hahah. Reached school then went to hlm for snowice.
Took bus with a lot of pl-lites.
Wanleng said something about some mv
And something nudity inside the mv.
Hahah. Wanleng. So young only leh.
Why so into pornography. Must control. Lmao.

Then we start singing some nursery.
Girlfriend, FTL, BF & I all know.
Only fat one don't know. ZOMG.
Min, You damn no childhood leh you!
Homed after that. Was suppose to meet LP but raining so cancelled.

2008-10-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

Out with LP & Mau today.

Went all the way to PS cause sick of HLM.

Rather stupid huh?

Ate some vege noodles and surprisingly,

Mine was the cheapest. Hahah.

Then wanted to go buy something from Cine

So walk all the way down there but damn suay

The stupid shop never open. SAD!

So we just took mrt back to Kovan.

Saw Chengchengchengcheng 1st. (somehow, a nic)

Then went to buy teh bing, again.

Saw this girl who seem so familiar but didn't say hi.

I just say "she look like Fransica & she like turn les"

In a joking manner and we keep staring at each other.

Then when we leaving she said hi to me.

ZOMFG! It's really her & it's super embarrasing!

Went home with LP cause she came to take something.

She said i'm jealous of Mau lying on her shoulder on bus.

No lor. I'm not. Hahah. Just sad i no shoulder to lie on. ):

Was getting real high that i didn't notice there's car

And just cross the road. (No traffic light)

Lucky LP called me in time, if not... ZOMFG. Lmao.

Walked her home after that.

Walked past Kemei's house. I think her dog died.

There's a new dog in her house now. So sad. ):

LP trying to make friends that she said hello to the dog.

Then the dog right away stand up like gonna attack us.

Siao liao. I bet the dog thinks LP id a bad guy man. Lmao.

Hello LP! I'm so not childish ok! :P

And must be very young like my sis then can be cute!

Tomorrow going some NEWater trip.

People say it's boring and been there too many times.

Bet it's damn sian tomorrow.

I bet the only high thing is christmas service.

Sit with group and get high together. Lmao.

P.S. Yo people! Thurs free not?

Go either Eu's house or my house watch ghost movie.

Before Eu leave for the airport later in the day.

Hahah. Then all frighten & hug together. Lmao.

Lynn will be renting the movies.

Discuss the details tomrrow. :D

Is there such thing called forever? I doubt so.

Don't make me fall so deeply for you.

I might not be able to pull back in time to come.

2008-10-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

LES PARTNER!
Please don't be sad anymore.
I've never seen you like this before.

It does hurt me a lot.

No matter what happen,

Remember i'll always be there for you.

To my dearest classmates,

Don't worry. 3B1 will support you,

No matter what happen.

Estelle Yao!

PLEASE know how to take care of yourself!

Stop eating instant noodles in the middle of the night.

And many more.

Please arh. Learn how to take care of yourself.

Clarice! Sorry.

I'll write bout the post that i dedicate to you

Maybe on Wednesday. :P

2008-10-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

FAMILY FOREVER~

Took some pics the day before during sexuality talk

And yesterday when we went to attend string concert.

Kinda quarreled on the day before too.

We gotta stay TOGETHER~

I wonder when we will spilt.

Will we stay as one family till we grow up?
We gotta. MUST!!

Remember. When you need me, I'll be there for you.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

Eudora- LP! Remember i'm there for you & ilyvm ok? :D

Maureen- NIANG! Hahah. Cheer up too. :P

Germaine- BF! Don't so crazy luh you. Hahah.

Cheryl- My sis when i'm Mau! Don't sad anymore ok? ((:

Josmin- FAT ONE! I where got disturb you during your GB lor.

Mei Mei- Mei! Come school more often luh you..

Jolene- Lynn! Hahah. Rich one. I want a tub of ice-cream!

:DDD

Though i want to know what you're doing every second,

I dread reading your blog.

I don't want to know how much you love her.

Whether is it in the past or now.

2008-10-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERMAINE!

Hahahah! Have you seen this gay friend of mine??

Celebrated BF's birthday today. (BESTFRIEND)
Actually is wednesday. Lol.
Had lunch with LP & Mau beforehand.
Lol. Damn the stupid sprite.
I put it in my bottle then when i wanted to drink it,
The sprite kinda "erupted" and dirted my bag & my face.
Then the 2 idiots laughed like no one's business.
IDIOTS BID TIME ARH!

Went home straight. Fat one called when i was bathing.
The mastermind got me, jo ng, LP & Mau to surprise Ger.
Met LP & Mau 1st before meeting Fat one & Jo ng.
They were getting some "so-called" chocolate cake then.

When we got into Ger's house, that bf was sleeping.
Damn super pig can her. Lol.
Kinda woke her up & sang her a birthday song.
After singing song, making a uper short wish
And taking a BIG breathe to blow out the cakes.
We had a big game for the birthday girl.

Though this is a old trick but.. NEVERMIND.
I pushed the end of the candle deep down into the cake
And expect bf to use her mouth to take out.
I think fat one maths fail. Left 4 candles she can say 3.
Wah. Super world class.

While she trying to get the last one out,
I place a walnut at the area so she can eat it
While trying to take out the end of the candle. Lol.
Then i push her head down into the cake
So her nose also kena the cake. :P
BF! See. I'm so nice to you. Hahah.

LP cake the cake into pieces for us.
Wah. One side is like so nice while the other like shit.
OMG! Hahah. Then we ask ger's maid to get us plates.
Jo ng took all the forks and didn't want to give us at 1st.
Don't know why. Weird weird one. Lol.

Out of no where they suddenly say something bout idiots.
What all those idiots & the idiots. I'm still confused..
Then i told Ger:
YX- M
Fat one- O
LP- R
Mau- O
Jo ng- N
Ger- MORON!
Hahah. Then they burst into laughter.

After some time my friend called and ask me where i was.
I wasn't sure of the location then i said Serangoon
And all of them shoot me and say there was Hougang.
Walau. They still say what best joke of the day.
Super idiot leh they all!!!

We took pics then we talked about "postitions"
They wanted Mau to be mother, LP to be father
And jo ng to be the child.
In the end, become i mother, LP father and Mau ah ma. Hahah.
I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH!
I hope this will last forever & we can celebrate our birthdays together every year.

2008-10-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

FOUNDER'S DAY!

Had founder's day celebration on Tuesday.
Sat with them. Super stupid.
Were lke playing non stop instead.

Then went out with pam.
She came to my house 1st before going out.
Went Bugis to meet her IJ girl.
Then i send her home before going for dinner.
Went home round 8 plus. Super tired.

Wednesday still got normal lessons.
Walau. Super sian. Haiz.

2008-10-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEI MEI!!

Sorry for the super damn late post.
HAHAH! Anw. Happy birthday to you luh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEI MEI!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

2008-10-07T09:04:00.001-07:00

A LATE POST..

Sorry i only posted this post now.
I was afraid it'll affect any of us in the past.
Now. Maybe it's time to post it and gone with it.

I heard of you since i was in primary school.
But i do not know you in person.
I only knew you as a heartbreaker.

I knew you during my sec 1 june holidays.
Thanks to 1 of our friend, supposingly.
I'm sorry i wasn't able to accept you at 1st.
Someone else was in love with you then.

On 30th August 06,
Everything change and our lifes too.
I trusted you a lot but i was so damn wrong.
You broke my heart for the very 1st time.
I remember it was christmas then,
And you went back to someone you couldn't forget then.
Your ex. I gave you up for your happiness.

You came back to me on 16th March 07.
The day that i once thought was so important.
We shared sweet memories and bitter ones too.
We seem to be made for each other then
But it was so wrong.
Both of us thought we will stay forever
But that was a mistake too.
You gave up things for me and i gave up too.

Love was once so sweet.
Then things start to sour after you come back
From you thailand trip.
You fell for some thai girl & my parents came barging in.
Love seem so hard then but we both held on tight.

You broke my heart on 23rd Feburary 08.
And i broke yours on 8th March 08.
I didn't do it out of revenge.
At that point of time, i think it's all over.
But maybe i'm very wrong.

You told me it's my fault for not asking you back
And it is already to late to do so.
But did you bother to ask me back.
I avoided you as i didn't know how to face you.
I didn't see why must i face you either.

Things get worst between us and i only see hatred then.
Maybe like what people say,
The more you love someone, the more you hate her.
Just to think of it, that's kinda true.
You asked for patch and i gave up on that chance.
It's not entirely my fault.
You gave yours even before i've decided to give up mine.

I returned you most of your stuff.
The 2 rings, photo, gifts.
But i seemed to forget the most important thing.
The memories we both were in.
The love we once shared.
The joy we once had.

I do miss you once in a while.
And maybe even shed a tear or 2 for you.
At times i wish to see you on the streets.
Not only to show you how happy i am now.
But also to see how things had been going on for you.
But i've so gotten over you.
Now you lead your life and i lead mine.
I don't interfere yours nor do you.

I'm no longer the girl you knew.
The one with no courage and like a dog.
I rebel against you then though it's rather childish.
But it defintely changed me.
I'll never let you see the weak side of me again.

I thought i couldn't get over you
But it seem like i'm wrong again.
I did regret before but i can't undo anything now.

You love your dear & i love my baby.
Thanks for everything that you've done for me
And all that you sacrifice for me.
Treaure the one beside you now.
Don't let go of your mot important person
Just like what you did to Sharon and i.
And i so didn't fall for Claris before.

More than 6 months had past & my life went on.
I've changed, you've changed & our lives changed.
Now we are FRIENDS if you still consider that.
So please tell your dear i won't snatch you away.
And i doubt you'll even come see my blog.
But o'wells. Thanks.

I loved you.
I needed you.
I wanted you.
I still miss you at times.
And goodbye forever.
(:

P.s. Do your mum still remember me.
And still think i very xian liang shu de. Hahah.
And though i'm just a friend now,
Please change your temper and don't use too many vulgarities.

2008-10-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

INNOVATION WEEK

Last day of preparation for iw.
But my group are not done yet. OMG.
Lol. But going to be done soon le ba.

Went Jesslyn's house to do the models.
Her mum gave us bee hoon and coke.
Lol. Damn re qing. I'm a little freak out.
HAHAH.
My group had fun luh.
Just that not enough time.

I think my other team members finish their work alr.
Wah i haven't even started mine.
Doubt i'll be able to sleep tonight.
Haiz. Just finish the script for the skit.
Need to do research and many more.
Argh save me.

Not really looking forward to our presentation tmr.
Don't know how it'll turn out. Lol.

2008-10-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

Yipeeeeeeee!

YOU BET I LOVE SAMANTHA TAY MORE THAN ANYONE :)

Aiya, don't jealous lah. I try to ask her if can share the love with you lor. But then I doubt she would want lah. HAHAHA! Don't snatch with her la, sucker! :P

PS: don't forget that you made me angry today hors!

- Anonymous

2008-10-06T05:33:00.000-07:00

WHAT IT REALLY MEANT

Don't ever doubt a woman's actions.
When she looks at you,
She sees you as the most important one.
When she holds your hand,
She never want to let it go again.
When she hugs you,
She can't get the warmth from anywhere else.
When she kisses your lips,
She thinks it's as sweet as candy.

When she tells you i love you,
Maybe she really mean it.
When she tells you i miss you,
Maybe she really mean it.
When she tells you i need you,
Maybe she really mean it.
When she tells you i want you,
Maybe she really mean it.
When she tells you i can't let go,
Maybe she really mean it.
When she tells you goodbye forever,
She meant it.

Maybe it's already too late.
But you'll want to..
Look into her eyes.
Don't let go of her.
Hold on tight to her waist.
Kiss her on her soft lips.
And say i love you so.

2008-10-05T23:13:00.000-07:00

INNOVATION WEEK

Rushing out the project now. Lol.
But Ying Ching and Valerie are like playing some dino game.
Lol. Damn high lor them.

Had training in the morning.
Weather hot and cold. Lol. Not good.
Super tired. Studying for o level.
Though i should be doing IW.

Valerie: Playing dino game.
Jesslyn: Somewhere in my house. QUIETLY HIDING... Supposingly in toilet.
Me: Using com.
Ying Ching: Just finished her game. Peeking at my com. Laughed after reading this post.
Qing Hui: Rather unstable. Walking here and there now.

P.s. Miss arh. Come my blog say you love my sis.
World class leh you. Lol.

2008-10-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

Helloooo!
Just to drop by and say

I ♥ SAMANTHA MORE THAN YOU!

Hehes :D
Bye!

- Anonymous

2008-10-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

INNOVATION WEEK

Had briefing and lecture for the upcoming innovation week.
Wah. Damn packed man schedule. Lol.

Went to hlm with Mildred after school.
Went to draw money then to popular.
Looking for stuff for innovation week.
Wah. Damn packed. Don't know got time to finish not.

Went to buy stuff but no more stock. Sad.
Then went to eat lunch.
Stupid luh. Went high. Lol.
Then to cold storage and home. Hahah.

Mildred, this is for you. (:
YOU'RE SO NICE MAN!
HELP ME CLEAN MY UTENSILS! xD

2008-10-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

PART-TIME JOBS!

Went out with pam today.

Finally can play after eoys.

But not long later gotta study super hard.

For chinese o levels. Lol.

Went out only at 4 plus.

Cause someone got piano and drag for so long.

Lol! Stupid pam luh.

Went far east to shop and find part time job.

Found a few. Lol! And one approached me already.

So now i'm still considering to take a not.

Went home 7 plus cause pam's mum ask her home.

And cheng gotta go home for dinner.

Wah. I can go home late, they cannot.

P.S. Josmin. I helped you find job le. (:

Eu. you want also can. Hahah.

I think the bikini shop got space. xD

2008-09-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

Physics blog

Been doing my physics blog
Save me arh!!
Though it's not really done but go have a look.
http://www.tayyuxian789.blogspot.com

Was listening to miley cyrus "Goodbye"
Not bad huh..

Goodbye
Verse
I can honestly say
You've been on my mind
Since I woke up today, up today
I look at your photograph all the time
These memories come back to life
And I don't mind

Chorus
I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
I remember those simple things
I remember 'till I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
A memory I want to forget
Is goodbye

I woke up this morning
And played our song
And through my tears I sang along
I picked up the phone and than
Put it down
Cause I know I'm waisting my time
And I don't mind

I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
I remember those simple things
I remember 'till I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
A memory I want to forget

Bridge
Suddenly my cell phone's blowing up
With your ring tone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone
And I'm surprised to hear you say

You remember when we kissed
You still feel it on your lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
You remember those simple things
We talked 'till we cried
You said that your biggest regret
The one that you wish I'd forget
Is saying goodbye
Saying goodbye
Oh, Goodbye

2008-08-29T05:41:00.001-07:00

CAMWHORE!

I think i went crazy with my friends.

Were camwhore-ing the whle day.

Hahah. *Look below.

P.S. Last pic is a pic of ms noor.

My geo teacher for term 3 and she's leaving soon

2008-08-29T05:41:00.000-07:00

HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!

Celebrated teacher's day today.

Had a super fun day today.

Too tired to post so just see the pictures. (:

Who wanna study with me during holidays??

So sad. No one study with me.. ):

And i wanna go watch wall. E, disaster movie,

All the boys love Mandy Lane & HSM 3.

Anyone interested to go watched with me? :D

2008-08-27T07:46:00.002-07:00

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

Had a netball friendly with St Hilda on Tuesday.
Damn tired after that man.
During the match Esmer and I were talking bout volley.
Both of us were damn excited.

During one of the quarter something funny happen.
I heard some people singing "Beautiful girls" behind me.
I turn around and saw a group of primary school kids
Digging while singing that song.
Suddenly the teacher came and start staring at them.
Try imagining out cause it's damn funny. Lol.

We lost that match. By 8 goals.
But the aim was to beat them by 5 goals.
I realise 5 is a very good number.
But i very lazy to write what happen so yeah. :P

I just realise i'm a science thingy.
Joanne's my Chemistry.
Cheng's my Biology.
And they are Physics.
Ok. We are super lame but we are still young. (:

P.S. FOR 27th birthday peeps.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEI JIE JIE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOYA SAUCE.

2008-08-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

CHALET!

This post is for the few days when i was away at the chalet.

Had quite a fun day with my family. (From Malaysia)

Had dance on Saturday itself. Last session. Sad.

Then met cousins and others near Amk cause they were lost.

Went to Downtown to check in 1st and start preparing for the BBQ.

Went to eat with cousins and cousins-in-law beforehand.

BBQ was quite fun but drank alcholic drink so was a little drowsy.

Watched 2 ghost movies at one go.

1st was the eye 2. Then it's the eye 1. One after the other.

Not bad huh. Then went to play sparkles.

I know. I'm super childish. Lol.

Went to WWW the next day. Was raining so we left early.

Took neoprint with my female cousins.

Quite fun. Next day had school. Super ultra tired.

2008-08-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

LIVE NOW!

Having LIVE now at com lab 3.
Lol! Mr Lim having some talk here.
Everyone's busy deleting old posts in blogs
And checking our grades in ntirx.

Blogging a POSITIVE blogpost now. Supposingly.
Must post good stuff bout our school.
((:

Will blog bout the chalet stuff later tonight. (:

2008-08-09T06:59:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! <3

Happy birthday Singapore, Hilary, Melissa and ME!

Hahah. Not bad huh. So many people same birthday.

Many people celebrated with me this year.
Thanks love ones. Love you loads.

Had NDP parade in school yesterday. The march is..

Shan't comment much. LOL!

Then got real high during the concert.

Thanks to Wanleng and Xiao Wei. Almost went crazy.

Though didn't sing much community song,

But still quite enjoyable. Hahah.

Went out with Mau and Ger! <333s

They came my house to bathe and changed out.

Then we went Vivo. But was late.

So we miss the Money not enough 2 movie.

Kinda sad huh. Nvm. Went to eat at Pastamania.

Ger wasn't feeling well so planned to go home quite early.

Went walking and shopping around for a while.

Then they gave me a surprise.

They "lured" me into the toilet and bought me a cake.

Omg! I love them loads man.

Had lots of fun eating the cake. Took lots of pic.

After which, i went to find yr to celebrate my birthday.

Didn't do much. Just walk around. Cause no time.

Then went to eat Thai Express. (Actually only she ate)

Went Cathy to buy popcorns and went home. Lol!

I know it's kinda lame, but who cares. Hahah.

Fell asleep before 12 that night. OMG! REGRET!

Nvm. At least i woke up early today. (:

Celebrated with my family today and it was quite fun.

Got psp and camera as present. Finally i got what i want!

Lol! Lime green camera somemore. So cool right. Hahah!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes. ((:

Love you all. ANd p for the UNGLAMS! :DDD

2008-08-06T05:08:00.001-07:00

TIRED!

Tired man! But don't know why.
Had the dance audition today. Damn rush.
But the BIG prob is that only 6 out of 31 were dancing.
Omg. But at least we tried luh. (:

Now gonna study super hard for ct and eoy.
Shit forgot to buy my mapping book to write notes.
Nvm. Jia you people. Jia you YUXIAN! :D

3 more days

2008-08-05T04:52:00.000-07:00

AUDITION :D

Gonna have some teacher day audition tomorrow.
But not for the class but for dance course.
OMG. Everyone is like unable to dance.

1. Amanda Liew- Overseas
2. Brenda- Sprained
3. A2- CIP

Almost all the good dancer are gone.
Die. Lol. Wonder how to pull through tomorrow.

Watching acdc vs m&m cru videos now.
Damn nice. Lol! I wanna join acdc.
Damn good. Too bad it's not in Singapore.
Maybe gonna join some dance crew with clarice.
AFTER CT AND EOY. :)

2008-08-01T10:27:00.001-07:00

CLASS BLOG~

3B1s, I finally finished the blog. Hooray.
Please do go have a look.
After visiting, please do leave a tag.
If you don't mind, please post your blog url
And you BIRTHDAY!
Thanks. :D

http://3B1-2008.blogspot.com. :D

2008-08-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

SMASH DOWN!

Had volleyball today. OMG. Damn fun.
Try some new skills, smash.
Quite alright, cause i always thought i cant do a perfect one.

Boring. Had Hcl today which is like super boring.
Lucky Cherlyn accompanied me and we had fun.
(: studied in the canteen for the first time before i go home.
Wah. Guai right. Lol!

Cher's just trying to tie hair. Lol!

2008-07-31T06:24:00.000-07:00

UNPRIVATE BLOG.. FINALLY.

Unprivated this blog so friends could view.
Decided to create a private blog instead.
Write different tuff on different blogs.
Stupid but better i guess. Hah. (:

Today was rather boring.
Last day of my mum working at Amk Hub.
A little sad but who cares. Lol.
She found another job at some diamond factory.
I think the pay and everything is like so much better.
Aiya who cares luh. Thinking of getting jobs.
Should i?? Guess i'll be going with Mau and Ger.
Haiz. But not comfirm yet.
Hard earn money arh..

Went blog hopping and looking for videos.
Saw someone's blog that's damn ultra sad.
Omg. Life sucks huh. Haiz.
Friends might just go and go forever.
Sad! Videos aren't any better.
Some weird 15 year old American
Wants to get pregnant and had sex with 15 guys.
The number of sexual activities are even worst, 300 times.
(Don't worry. It's not some porno. Lol.)

Life's weird isn't it.
Things happen just like that. Without notices.
Treasure the people around you.
They might just be gone or hate you for no reason.
Haiz. Sucky like hell.

Common test are coming soon.
Better buck up and rush out all my notes and revision.
JIA YOU!!! :DDDDD

COUNTDOWN: 9 MORE DAYS

*Sorry bout the previous few posts.
Too lazy to space out everything. :P

2008-07-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

Chapter 7
Of course he could not fall in love with me. I had this curse that could harm him. This was all for his own good. But why did he still do all these things when he did not like me? I wondered if he did that to every girl he knew. Then tell them that he did not like them. He must be that sort of person. A bastard who likes to see girls cry in front of him.I hated him to the core.I went home with my eyes still red. Landy was in, reading a magazine. When she saw me, she frowned, knowing something had happened. I told her everything within fifteen minutes.“He sucks.” She commented, sharing my exasperation. “He just sucks. Painfully sucks.” I nodded, agreeing with her every word. “But he’s just so… nice, isn’t it? So romantic… so… nice.”“Idiot. I hate him. I hate him!”“You love him, Joanna. It’s the other way round.”Her sentence sent me into a whirlpool of thought. I cried so hard when he said he could not fall in love in me. Was it because of the fact that I liked him? I had not cried that much since my mother’s death.My hand phone beeped. There was an incoming message. Landy passed me the phone and said, “It has to be Jacky.”I opened the message and truly, it was him.I’m sorrie if I say anything wrong… u will still come for the appointment, won’t u?I read the message aloud to Landy. She beamed and exclaimed, “Say yes!”I did not heed her advice. I typed a No and replied to him. “No, I’m not keen anymore.” I told Landy. “I don’t wanna go out with an idiot.”“You’re going for the appointment, not going out with Jacky, my gosh!”I was still trying to control my tears. I should not cry in front of my best friend. I had always been the strong independent girl. I would not cry for a guy again!A new message came in.Let me fetch you on that day, okie?I replied a No again. I had enough of this guy. Trying to help me? Or maybe he was just doing all this so that he could skip school! That bastard!“Come on, relax and let’s talk this out. It’s very obvious, Joanna, that you’ve fallen in love with Jacky. Why not just admit that, and we’ll have an easier time to decide on whether to go or not?” Landy was saying. But I was not paying attention. I was looking at my phone, wondering if Jacky would reply or not.Slowly, I digested Landy’s words. It was really clear. It was just too clear. Maybe I just dared not say it out. Finally, after fifteen minutes of battle with my tears, I lost. A drop rolled out. I wiped it off instantly. Landy, somehow, had seen it.“Cry it out, Joanna. Cry it out.”A new message.Only you can help yourself. come on, reply a yes…I replied a No.“I know you’re going for the therapy because of him.”“I’m not!” I retorted.“Then…” Landy whispered so soft that I had to read from her lips. “Why are you not going anymore, after he said all that?” And she made sense.A new message came in. Vent your thoughts to others please… it’s the only way out. I replied a No again and looked at Landy. I was lost for words. She had hit my vital point. Jacky then replied, Ease your illusions! let me help…I shrugged. I did not know what to tell Landy, and I did not reply to Jacky. I was caught at a crossroads, not knowing where to go. Landy was quiet, eyeing me, as if waiting for me to say something.You’ve gotta go for it!Only you… yourself can help yourself…Understanding yourself is most important…I looked at the messages. He had sent me three messages in a short span of five minutes. Landy was frowning, obviously curious at the messages that Jacky had sent me.I crossed my legs, then my arms. Then I threw my hand phone onto the sofa and closed my eyes. My mind had dealt with too many emotional battles within a day: I guessed it needed a long rest.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Avoiding Jacky was one of the toughest things to do at school.He was everywhere. I tried not looking at him, but realized I couldn’t. I wanted to see his expression: Was he feeling angry, guilty or happy? Or maybe he was just indifferent?In fact, there was no change. His trademark smile still lingered on his face. He still greeted every lecturer as if they were his best pals. He even tried to joke with me, but I did not laugh and he did not continue the conversation.Finally lunch break came and this was the most awkward moment for me, as we always had our lunch side by side. I bought my own food and sat alone, wondering if he would still join me. Instead one of my classmates sat beside me and I glared at her. She stared at me, then at the seat, and finally walked off.Jacky was at the drinks stall. Would he buy me my drink? I scanned my food, trying to stop myself from looking at him. Then a familiar deep voice hailed me. “Here’s your drink. Diet coke with salt.”I looked up. There he was, Jacky Wu, sitting beside me. I just stared at him, dumbfounded, startled but not surprised. He smiled, and then ate his food. I did the same thing. A few awkward minutes passed.“I’ll pick you up next Tuesday morning. I’ve applied for an official break from the school.”“Okay.”Okay? What was I thinking? Landy, help me. Landy, I’m mad. Landy…“Good. It’s been so long since I’ve seen the morning sun from an angle other than from the school on a weekday. I’m so excited.”I nodded. I must be crazy. I felt so much like flipping the table over and giving him a tight slap on his face. Yet I just sat there, agreeing and nodding to everything he said. My body was not listening to my mind. I must be mad. I must be.“Great.” He said. “You received my messages yesterday?”I nodded again. I must have forgotten how to speak English.“All of them? There’s a hidden message. Can you decode it?”I shrugged. What was he saying?“Have you deleted the messages?”I nodded. If I said otherwise, he might get the idea that I had stored every message that he sent me.“Oh, okay.” He said, and then continued with his food. “Read some of Dan Brown’s books. The Da Vinci Code, Deception Point and Angels & Demons. Most importantly, read Digital Fortress. It’s a novel about breaking codes.” He smiled, and then suddenly laughed out loud for no reason. “However, reading them won’t help you solve the code.”Was that a joke? If so, it was just so not funny.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Hidden message?” Landy was saying, looking at the messages. “Has he read too many ‘The Da Vinci Code’?"“Beats me.” I had written down all the messages on a piece of paper. They all sounded so normal. “Maybe he’s just trying to be funny. He’s always funny. But his jokes are not funny.”“Yeah, maybe that’s why you like him.”I ignored her comments and stared at all the messages again.I’m sorrie if I say anything wrong… u will still come for the appointment, won’t u? Let me fetch you on that day, okie? Only you can help yourself. come on, reply a yes…Vent your thoughts to others please… it’s the only way out. Ease your illusions! let me help…You’ve gonna come for it! Only you… yourself can help yourself… Understanding yourself is most important…Hidden message? Crap. But still, I spent an hour reading and re-reading the messages. It did not make the slightest sense. If he had wanted to start a conversation, he should have thought of a better idea than saying there was a hidden message in his SMSes. So clichéd.

2008-07-16T09:02:00.001-07:00

Chapter 6
I was unable to sleep that night. At first I thought that maybe I was too physically exhausted and my mind was unable to drift into sleep mode. So I began to count sheep, drank warm milk and studied my Economics text. It was futile. After playing a loud slow song that woke my grandmother up, I decided not to sleep. After all, I had to wake up early the next day for school.It was, by then, four in the morning. Several windows outside my apartment were lightening up, getting ready for the day. I looked at my hand phone to check for new messages. There weren’t any. I frowned and sent “Good night, good morning, Mr. Wu” as a SMS to Jacky and went to bath.Why the heck had I done that? For fun? No, in my dictionary, the word ‘fun’ had ceased to exist.I spent the next two hours surfing the Internet, checking my hand phone, watching television, checking my hand phone again, playing games and checking my hand phone once more. At last, at six, I received a message. It was from Jacky.Morning, Joanna! I m so happy. This is the 1st time u msg me. Thx!I deleted the message and then spent the next ten minutes trying to restore deleted messages. There was no such function. Silly me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacky was “acting” normal to me in school.It was like yesterday’s conversation had never occurred. He put on his trademark smile to class as usual and joked his time off. When lunch break came, he bought me my drink and I could avoid the strangeness no longer. I asked, “Why are you acting so strangely today?”“Strangely?” he said. “I’m not! I’m not even acting.”“You are.” I retorted, wondering if I had just accidentally “cursed” him. After a considerably thought, I figured I had not so I continued. “You used to be so…” I stopped. It was not him. It was me.I had suddenly wanted him to pay more attention to me. To talk to me more. To joke with me more. He was just being himself today. What was wrong with me?“I’m sorry.” I said as I looked at my plate of rice, ashamed to face him. “So, when is the… appointment?”“I’m calling them later.”“You’ll… come with me, correct? As you promised?”Although I was not looking at him, I knew he must have been showing me that toothy grin again. “I promise. I’ll come with you for every session. Every single session. Every…”“Good. Good.” I said. “Damn good.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Hey, Joanna.”I woke up from my doze. The lecturer’s droning voice was amplified to the entire hall. I took a few seconds to register my situation and looked up. It was Michael, one of my classmates who wrote the script for the play. He was sitting in front of me, his head turned. Jacky was snoring beside me, his cheek kissing the table.“Hey, Joanna.” He repeated as if I was still napping. “You there?”I nodded as an answer to his question.“Are you okay?” he whispered.I nodded again. “Why?”“Well, it’s because…”Jacky sprang up from his sleep and grabbed Michael in the neck, standing up. “Don’t harm her!” he shouted.His voice attracted the attention of the entire hall. All the students turned to look at him. The lecturer stopped talking and stared at Jacky with his eyes wide open, obviously surprised at Jacky’s commotion. All I did was to look Jacky in the eyes. Michael did not struggle. He was staring at Jacky, still stunned by his onslaught.A few seconds dragged on. Jacky let go and sat down while Michael scratched his head. They did not exchange a single word. A few whispers from the students killed the silence.“As you all can see, the point when demand is…” Strangely, the lecturer continued the lecture as if nothing had happened.“Hey, Mike.” Jacky whispered. Michael wheeled and faced Jacky. He did not seem afraid. “I’m sorry. I had a silly dream. You know, Mr. Tan’s voice can turn a sweet dream into a nightmare.”“I know. I understand. That’s why I dare not sleep when Mr. Tan is lecturing. By the way, what dream did you just have? Who’s the ‘her’?” Michael asked.“Yeah, who’s the ‘her’?” I asked as well. Must be out of curiosity.“I… forgot. You know, you always forget your dreams.”Michael laughed. “Yeah. Anyway, Joanna, I was able to ask you… are you okay?”“What’s wrong?” Jacky and I replied together.“Well, it’s just that… you’ve smiled five times today. And I’ve seen you smile less than ten times despite knowing you for more than six months. It’s a bit… unusual?”“Well, Michael…” Jacky licked his lips in delight. “She’s going to smile more in the future. I promise you that.”And all of a sudden, I smiled.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“It’s called the Child’s Guidance Clinic, commonly known as CGC. It provides neuroscience treatment, psychological and psychiatric services to people aged eighteen and below. It’s under the Institute Of Mental Health. The price is cheaper as the Government will subsidize a large portion of the cost. I’ve booked an appointment for you.”Jacky passed me a sheet of paper. There was a map, a date and a time. “The clinic is in Singapore General Hospital. Pretty close to our school, so we’ll have no problem getting there after school. And this…” he passed me another sheet of paper. It was an official appointment letter issued by the Clinic. “We’ll need that to enter the clinic.”“Isn’t that place meant to be for children?”“No, that’s the misconception that most people have. The CGC also accepts teenage patients as long as you have the will to be cured. The age requirement is eighteen and below. And you qualify. Okay?”I read the official appointment letter. The first appointment was for a Tuesday morning on which we had school.“No worries about that. I’ve applied for an official leave from the school.”“Official leave?”“Well, on that day, we both will turn ill. And we’ll ‘buy’ MCs from doctors. Isn’t that official enough?”I laughed.“And when the doctor asks you to choose the next appointment date, give him a date where you and I can go together without skipping school. Okay?”I nodded.“Great.” As he was able to leave, I stopped him. “Huh?”“Look, Jacky…” My eyes met his and I whispered, “Thank you. For everything.”“My gosh, you’re close to tears.” He took a step closer to me and tapped my head. “Come on, it’s nothing much, okay? Cool it.”“I…”“Hey, Joanna.” He turned serious. “You must understand, I’m doing this because I wanna help you, okay? I want you to believe in yourself and others. Just that. We cannot be a couple. You cannot be my girlfriend. I have my reasons. So, don’t you ever fall in love with me, okay?”Fuck. Damn. Ass. Bastard. Idiot. Silly, damn, fucking bastard ass idiot!“I’ll never fall in love with you!” I yelled back at the top of my voice. “I’ll never love you! And you!” I pointed at him in the chest, and then punched him in the chest repeatedly. “Don’t you fall in love with me! Don’t you turn back and tell me ‘I love you!’! You hear me, Jacky Wu Zhong Xian? You hear me?! Me, Joanna Fung Wai Gwan, will never, ever fall in love with Jacky Wu Zhong Xian!”“Cool down-” he whispered.“And you, Jacky Wu Zhong Xian, you’ll better don’t fall in love with me, coz’ I’ll never love you!” I gave him a final punch before I stepped back. My heart was beating a lot faster and my body was jerking up and down uncontrollably. “You cannot be my boyfriend! I have my reasons! Okay! Don’t fall in love with me!”I turned and ran off. A few tears fell. And while I ran, I tore up the two pieces of paper that Jacky had passed to me.

2008-07-16T08:11:00.006-07:00

Chapter 5
There was a long period of silence. I wiped my tears off but they kept on coming. Jacky stroked me gently on my back, as if it would help to stop my sobbing. In that moment, I really wished I would wake up in the comfort of my bed and realize that everything had just been a dream.I guessed I had regretted telling Jacky everything. No one knew about all this except Landy. I had tried so hard to bury my past but Jacky’s persistence had caused me to dig it out. I pushed Jacky off, knowing I could not lay my head on his shoulder forever. To my surprise, he was wearing a smile, not at all surprised by my story.“And you believe you caused the death of your mother? Because of the ‘curse’ that you have?” he said.I nodded.“Silly, Joanna. There’s a word known as ‘coincidence’. It just happened to be a coincidence.”This time round, I shook my head. “A few days after my mother’s death, I had a quarrel with one of my friends. In the midst of the quarrel, I…” I paused again. It was hard to dig out a past that had been buried away for so long. “I said, ‘You’re so stubborn, your boyfriend is gonna leave you soon!’. And a few days later, her boyfriend broke up with her.”“Well, two coincidences.”“I once scolded a taxi driver for speeding. I said he would soon get into an accident if he continued to speed. He ignored my warnings and the next day, the newspaper reported that a taxi had smashed onto a tree. Luckily the taxi driver suffered no serious injury. I’ve always hoped it was just coincidences, Jacky. It’s not. It’s a curse. I’m cursed. Every bad thing I say will come true.”“That’s the reason why you’re so quiet? So… introverted?”I nodded. “More or less. Trust me, it’s not coincidences. There’re more examples of my curse. I dare not talk, for fear I may ‘accidentally’ curse others. It’s not my fault.”Jacky bit his lip. A few seconds later, he mouthed, “I remembered you once said you’ve got friends outside JC. Is it true?”“Just one friend. Name’s Landy. Strangely…” I stopped, wondering if I should tell Jacky about Landy or not. I thought, since I had already told him so much, why not tell him about Landy as well? “She isn’t affected by my curses. I had accidentally cursed her a few times but she seems to be immune to it. Nothing happens after my curses. Hence she has always been my best friend.”I told him more about Landy, on how we first met and how she visited me frequently just for a chat. “My grandmother will open the door for her when I’m not in. However my grandmother always forgets she does that. She has poor memory and poor eyesight.”“Landy must have been a good friend to come by for a chat.”“Yeah.” I said, a bit annoyed by that pointless remark.“So she knew about your ‘curse’ as well? And encouraged you to avoid talking to others?”“That’s right.” I replied. “She had seen how people suffered under my curse. That’s the reason why she prefers me to keep quiet.”“Okay…” Jacky muttered then closed his eyes, obviously trying to think of something to say.I stared at his closed eyes. Why had I told him so much? Maybe it was to tell him the reason why I did not like the idea of the free-style play. Maybe it was also to tell him that my quietness was not my fault. Maybe to let him paint a better image of me in his mind.“Remember your promise just now?” he suddenly said, interrupting my thoughts.“Yeah.”“Okay, believe in me now. Say this after me ‘I don’t have a curse.’”“But I-”“Remember your promise!” he exclaimed, cutting my sentence. “Now, repeat after me… ‘I don’t have a curse’.”I guessed I just had to play along to humour him. “I don’t have a curse. Silly.”“No! Just say ‘I don’t have a curse’. No ‘silly’ behind. Come on, try again.”I shrugged. Was he childish or was I too matured? “I don’t have a curse.”“Good. Now say ‘I am just having a minor mental illness that can be cured after seeing a psychiatrist.’”“No!” this time, I yelled. “No, I, you… you-” I stopped myself at that very moment. I was going to say “you idiot”, but that would equal to cursing him. I just glared at him, wanting so much to scold him. “I’m not sick.” I sneered.“Believe in me. Remember your promise? Believe in me! Say after me!”“I’m not sick.”“Believe in me. Believe me! You’ll not fail if you believe!”“I’m not sick. I’m cursed.”“Believe me!”Once again, I fell into silence. Knowing that I would not win this argument, I said, “I don’t have a curse. I am just having a minor mental illness that can be cured after seeing a psychiatrist.”Jacky nodded. “Good. I’ll call the shrink tomorrow, and we’ll book an appointment, okay? I’ll accompany you to the shrink.”“What?!” I yelled instantly. “No way!”“Look, Joanna, there’re still five more minutes to the hour. You should still believe me, alright? You need a doctor.”“No I don’t!”“Then prove it to me! If the doctor can’t cure you, then I’ll give up!”I had never seen a shrink before. In my impression, a shrink looks like the beautiful Kelly Chen, the actress who acted as one in the movie “Infernal Affairs”. She would just listen and the patient will do the talking. The patient will feel better after taking some medication and he or she will be cured. Silly, isn’t it? How can anyone’s accumulated mental illness get better after saying everything and popping a few pills? I could not believe Jacky had just suggested I do that.“No.” I said.“I’ll go with you. Every appointment. Please.”He would go with me? I pondered on that. For the longest period of time, I had always been alone. Now this silly weirdo had just proposed to accompany me for those silly appointments. I frowned, lowering my eyebrows to a V shape. Was he trying to break my routine?“Are you trying to break my routine? Change my life?” I said my thoughts aloud.“Yes. I wanna break your routine. I wanna change your life.”This was getting sillier. I had been lonely for more than three years. What could he possibly do? I guessed the best he could do was to mess up my life. Like recommending me to see a shrink. Silly, silly Jacky. Really silly. Asking me to believe in him, to believe that he would be able to change my life…“…for the better.” He added suddenly.For the better? I stared up at the stars. Maybe I was trying to avoid him. But all of a sudden, I said, “When is the first appointment?”It was my heart speaking.He told me he had to check everything first. Upon our agreement, we climbed down the playground and made our way to the bus-stop. After waiting for a few minutes, we realized that it was close to one in the morning.“Sorry, I don’t have enough cash with me.” He said.“Me too.” His face brightened up. “Then I’ll walk you home, and I’ll walk home after that!”I wanted so much to smile. To laugh at his silly antics. However, I just nodded. We were at West Coast and my house is at Jurong Extension. It would take more than an hour’s walk.We started the long walk talking about many things. This was the first time I had spoken so much to another person other than Landy since my parents’ deaths. Jacky said that he was the only child in his family. His father died of cancer when he was just seven; hence he had a very close relationship with his mother.He said he learnt a lot of things when his father was dying. He told me how precious life could be, and said that we all came into this world for a purpose. “Happiness and sadness are not caused by your surroundings. They’re caused by your thinking.” He verbalized. When I asked him about his plans for the future, he gave me an answer that really surprised me. “My plans for the future? Make you smile. Do something meaningful.”We reached my house about an hour later. He was totally exhausted. Beads of sweats blanketed his forehead, but he was still smiling despite the weariness. “I’ll call you.” He said. “I’ll call you and tell you when we’ll meet up for the appointment. I’ll… see you around, eh?”“Yeah.” I said. I realized he still had a long way to go from my house to his house at Bukit Batok. “You want me to get some cash for you to take a cab?” I had expected him to say yes. He was massaging his neck and looked as if he wanted to vomit. However, he maintained his pride and muttered, “No, I’ll walk home. It’s good exercise.”“Well, good for you. See you.”After he left, I took a bath. Landy was my room, sleeping soundly on my bed. After my bath, the doorbell rang. It was two in the morning. Who could it be? I looked through the hole in the door. It was Jacky.“Hey…” he said, resting his back on the wall. His face was pale white, as if he had just seen a ghost. His lips seemed to be wet and he smelled of puke. “Can you lend me twenty bucks? I’ll return it to you tomorrow.”I passed him the money. “Return me something else. Not the twenty bucks. Something else that is worth twenty bucks.” What was I saying? Sometimes, I felt that I said stupid things to him.“Okay.” He saluted me and said, “I’ll return you something else. Something that twenty bucks can’t buy.”With that, he ambled off. I stared at the last of his shadow before I closed my door, and I did something I had never expected myself to do.I smiled to myself.

2008-07-16T08:11:00.005-07:00

Chapter 4
The taxi ride to West Coast Park took me fifteen minutes. By then, night had fallen and I had already stopped shedding tears. There were not many people around. Landy came an hour later and we climbed up the tall pyramid-shaped playground, lying on the ropes.“You really want to tell him everything, don’t you?” Landy said. “Coz you feel like you’ve got a… bond with him.”“He’ll get killed by me.” I whispered. “I don’t want danger to befall him.”“But you really want to tell him about your problems. You really wanna tell him about your curse. I support you.”“I don’t know.”“Okay, why not we play a game? If he’s here within fifteen minutes, you’ll tell him about your problems, okay? If not, we’ll sleep here for the night. Are you game for it?”I looked up at the starless night. He would not be able to find me, I thought. “Deal.”“Well then, I’m going down.” Landy reached down, grabbed the rope below and slowly made her way down.“Huh?”“Look down, my friend.” By then, Landy had reached the ground. She waved at me and I understood what she meant at the moment I looked down. Jacky, still in his uniform, walked past her. When he saw me, he smiled broadly and climbed up the ropes, flaunting his lean biceps. Within a few seconds he was sitting beside me.“How did you know I was here?” I said. “Landy called you?”“Who’s Landy?” Jacky shrugged and shook his head.“The girl who just walked past you.”“Did anyone walk past me just now?” he furrowed his brows. “I didn’t notice. I just saw you.”“Then how did you know I’d be here?”“I installed a tracer on your handphone. You know, like those tracers that secret agents use? I bought it on the black market. Cost me a bomb.”I bit my lip and ignored his pointless remark.“Joanna, can I tell you something?”I nodded, stunned at his seriousness. He never usually bothered to request permission when he asked questions. What he had just said freaked me out. My eyes were fixed to the ground, my hand toying with the ropes that supported our weight.“I know it’s one of the hardest things to do in the world… I know it’s like asking you to stuff your fist into your mouth or it’s like asking you to eat caterpillars but…” he paused. I shivered. Gosh, he looked really serious when he was not smiling. “Will you… will you, believe me?”“Believe you?” I twisted my head, almost relieved. “What do you mean?” I was not expecting him to say something so simple. “Lend me an hour of your time. In this hour, I really hope you can believe in everything I say. Will you?”I clenched my hand into a fist, thinking hard. I then recalled the deal I had with Landy. “Okay, I believe. Now, what do you want to say?”“Tell me about your problems. Joanna, you’ll not fail if you keep trying.”“No! No one can help-”“Joanna!” And he did it: He held my hand and cried, “Believe me!”I shook my head a few times, trying hard to believe him. I will not fail if I keep trying? I had always been trying… but I always failed. I’d given up hope on everything, choosing instead to live in my own world.A minute passed silently. I gazed fixedly at the starless sky. Time seemed to be crawling by callously. I grabbed a rope, preparing to leap down when Landy’s words came to mind again. With that thought, I looked up at Jacky. His eyes darted towards mine. It was then I realized he was still holding on to my left hand.“Believe me.” He repeated as he released my hand. I felt a surge of loss. “What is the reason that causes you to be so reserved? How did your parents… pass away?”Tears started to well up in my eyes. I wanted so much to lay my head on his shoulder but I feared he might feel uncomfortable. I shook my head a few times to hold back my tears. It was not an easy task. “I killed them.”“Tell me more. Let me help.”“You can’t help!” I yelled, my voice echoing in the quiet night.“Believe in me!”“You wouldn’t-”“You have to be-”“It’s too complica-”“Believe me!”“No one can help-”“I can help you. I really can. Let me help, please. Believe in me.”Somehow, my heart melted and I gave in. “I was born into a perfect family. I had a father who drove a taxi and a mother who cooked for others.” I started, not daring to face him.“That’s very good. Go on.”“We lived simply, yet happily. My dad worked seven days a week. Every night, I would wait for my father to buy supper for us. The three of us would eat while watching television. That late night meal was the only time for us to be together. I would tell them about the new bully at school. They would teach me how to fight back.”“You’ve got good parents.” Jacky cut in, obviously just to prove that he was still listening.“Life was perfect. Just so perfect. Until one day… one day…” Whenever the memories flowed back, I would choke on my tears. Jacky patted me on my back, encouraging me to keep my composure. I knew if I was to tell him about myself, I would have to overcome those memories. “One day… that day…” I took a long, deep breath. “It all happened.”“The day started like any other day. My father ate his breakfast in a rush and then went to work. As usual, I yelled ‘Drive carefully, Dad’ to him before he stepped out of the house. I was in school, listening to the teacher telling us everything about how apples drop to the ground when I saw my mother outside the classroom.“I remembered that day, we were supposed to have a spelling test yet I had forgotten to bring the exercise book. I thought my mother was just there to pass me my book. Little did I expect it to be something more than just a book.“She grabbed my hand and we left the school. No words were exchanged. We went into a taxi, and when she cried, I sensed something was wrong. Then she hugged me, and I knew it was bad news.”I paused. I needed a break from the bad memories flooding back. Jacky flashed his trademark smile and patted my shoulder. We stayed that way for a few more minutes.“My father had died in a car accident. In his desperate attempt to fetch a passenger, he neglected his own safety. A lorry crashed his car. He died instantly. I was only twelve then. I cried everyday, waiting for my supper to come. But every night, only memories of my Dad came back. I could no longer tell him about the new bully that came to my school.“My mother, strangely, indirectly blamed me for his death. She claimed that had I not told my father to drive carefully, he might not have died. It made no sense at all. With my father’s death, my mother quit her job and turned into a drunkard. She would return every night stinking of alcohol. I had no idea where she got the money.“I was totally depressed with my broken family. I met a group of friends when I was in Secondary One in a stairway. They introduced to me ways to relax: smoking, drinking. I was lured in by the luxury of not having to care. I smoked my days away.”“I cannot imagine you were once a smoker.” Jacky said.“I was. Home was just a place for me to seek quarrels. I tried my best to stay away from my house. My mother would always call me names like ‘jinx’ or ‘bitch’, even in her sober mind. Finally, one day, I had enough. I put all my clothes into a bag and shouted to her, ‘I hope you’ll die in a car accident, just like daddy. And I hope you’ll get crushed by a big lorry!’ After that, I stayed in my friend’s house for two days.“And two days later…” I was shuddering now, my tears rolling out like there was no tomorrow. I tried to brush them away but they kept coming. I felt like jumping down to the ground now, ending the ordeal once and for all. Jacky’s hand was still clutching mine. Without warning, he embraced me, his body warming me up. He was shuddering along with me. I dropped my head onto his shoulder and whispered, “Two days later, my mother was crushed by a big lorry. She died on the spot.”
Chapter 4
The taxi ride to West Coast Park took me fifteen minutes. By then, night had fallen and I had already stopped shedding tears. There were not many people around. Landy came an hour later and we climbed up the tall pyramid-shaped playground, lying on the ropes.“You really want to tell him everything, don’t you?” Landy said. “Coz you feel like you’ve got a… bond with him.”“He’ll get killed by me.” I whispered. “I don’t want danger to befall him.”“But you really want to tell him about your problems. You really wanna tell him about your curse. I support you.”“I don’t know.”“Okay, why not we play a game? If he’s here within fifteen minutes, you’ll tell him about your problems, okay? If not, we’ll sleep here for the night. Are you game for it?”I looked up at the starless night. He would not be able to find me, I thought. “Deal.”“Well then, I’m going down.” Landy reached down, grabbed the rope below and slowly made her way down.“Huh?”“Look down, my friend.” By then, Landy had reached the ground. She waved at me and I understood what she meant at the moment I looked down. Jacky, still in his uniform, walked past her. When he saw me, he smiled broadly and climbed up the ropes, flaunting his lean biceps. Within a few seconds he was sitting beside me.“How did you know I was here?” I said. “Landy called you?”“Who’s Landy?” Jacky shrugged and shook his head.“The girl who just walked past you.”“Did anyone walk past me just now?” he furrowed his brows. “I didn’t notice. I just saw you.”“Then how did you know I’d be here?”“I installed a tracer on your handphone. You know, like those tracers that secret agents use? I bought it on the black market. Cost me a bomb.”I bit my lip and ignored his pointless remark.“Joanna, can I tell you something?”I nodded, stunned at his seriousness. He never usually bothered to request permission when he asked questions. What he had just said freaked me out. My eyes were fixed to the ground, my hand toying with the ropes that supported our weight.“I know it’s one of the hardest things to do in the world… I know it’s like asking you to stuff your fist into your mouth or it’s like asking you to eat caterpillars but…” he paused. I shivered. Gosh, he looked really serious when he was not smiling. “Will you… will you, believe me?”“Believe you?” I twisted my head, almost relieved. “What do you mean?” I was not expecting him to say something so simple. “Lend me an hour of your time. In this hour, I really hope you can believe in everything I say. Will you?”I clenched my hand into a fist, thinking hard. I then recalled the deal I had with Landy. “Okay, I believe. Now, what do you want to say?”“Tell me about your problems. Joanna, you’ll not fail if you keep trying.”“No! No one can help-”“Joanna!” And he did it: He held my hand and cried, “Believe me!”I shook my head a few times, trying hard to believe him. I will not fail if I keep trying? I had always been trying… but I always failed. I’d given up hope on everything, choosing instead to live in my own world.A minute passed silently. I gazed fixedly at the starless sky. Time seemed to be crawling by callously. I grabbed a rope, preparing to leap down when Landy’s words came to mind again. With that thought, I looked up at Jacky. His eyes darted towards mine. It was then I realized he was still holding on to my left hand.“Believe me.” He repeated as he released my hand. I felt a surge of loss. “What is the reason that causes you to be so reserved? How did your parents… pass away?”Tears started to well up in my eyes. I wanted so much to lay my head on his shoulder but I feared he might feel uncomfortable. I shook my head a few times to hold back my tears. It was not an easy task. “I killed them.”“Tell me more. Let me help.”“You can’t help!” I yelled, my voice echoing in the quiet night.“Believe in me!”“You wouldn’t-”“You have to be-”“It’s too complica-”“Believe me!”“No one can help-”“I can help you. I really can. Let me help, please. Believe in me.”Somehow, my heart melted and I gave in. “I was born into a perfect family. I had a father who drove a taxi and a mother who cooked for others.” I started, not daring to face him.“That’s very good. Go on.”“We lived simply, yet happily. My dad worked seven days a week. Every night, I would wait for my father to buy supper for us. The three of us would eat while watching television. That late night meal was the only time for us to be together. I would tell them about the new bully at school. They would teach me how to fight back.”“You’ve got good parents.” Jacky cut in, obviously just to prove that he was still listening.“Life was perfect. Just so perfect. Until one day… one day…” Whenever the memories flowed back, I would choke on my tears. Jacky patted me on my back, encouraging me to keep my composure. I knew if I was to tell him about myself, I would have to overcome those memories. “One day… that day…” I took a long, deep breath. “It all happened.”“The day started like any other day. My father ate his breakfast in a rush and then went to work. As usual, I yelled ‘Drive carefully, Dad’ to him before he stepped out of the house. I was in school, listening to the teacher telling us everything about how apples drop to the ground when I saw my mother outside the classroom.“I remembered that day, we were supposed to have a spelling test yet I had forgotten to bring the exercise book. I thought my mother was just there to pass me my book. Little did I expect it to be something more than just a book.“She grabbed my hand and we left the school. No words were exchanged. We went into a taxi, and when she cried, I sensed something was wrong. Then she hugged me, and I knew it was bad news.”I paused. I needed a break from the bad memories flooding back. Jacky flashed his trademark smile and patted my shoulder. We stayed that way for a few more minutes.“My father had died in a car accident. In his desperate attempt to fetch a passenger, he neglected his own safety. A lorry crashed his car. He died instantly. I was only twelve then. I cried everyday, waiting for my supper to come. But every night, only memories of my Dad came back. I could no longer tell him about the new bully that came to my school.“My mother, strangely, indirectly blamed me for his death. She claimed that had I not told my father to drive carefully, he might not have died. It made no sense at all. With my father’s death, my mother quit her job and turned into a drunkard. She would return every night stinking of alcohol. I had no idea where she got the money.“I was totally depressed with my broken family. I met a group of friends when I was in Secondary One in a stairway. They introduced to me ways to relax: smoking, drinking. I was lured in by the luxury of not having to care. I smoked my days away.”“I cannot imagine you were once a smoker.” Jacky said.“I was. Home was just a place for me to seek quarrels. I tried my best to stay away from my house. My mother would always call me names like ‘jinx’ or ‘bitch’, even in her sober mind. Finally, one day, I had enough. I put all my clothes into a bag and shouted to her, ‘I hope you’ll die in a car accident, just like daddy. And I hope you’ll get crushed by a big lorry!’ After that, I stayed in my friend’s house for two days.“And two days later…” I was shuddering now, my tears rolling out like there was no tomorrow. I tried to brush them away but they kept coming. I felt like jumping down to the ground now, ending the ordeal once and for all. Jacky’s hand was still clutching mine. Without warning, he embraced me, his body warming me up. He was shuddering along with me. I dropped my head onto his shoulder and whispered, “Two days later, my mother was crushed by a big lorry. She died on the spot.”

2008-07-16T08:11:00.004-07:00

Chapter 3I first met Landy in a “magical” way.My father died when I was twelve. My mum blamed me for his death. Since then, I learnt about life the bad way: I hung out with a group of hooligans who smoked at stairways and got their pocket money from stealing. I always felt a great sense of satisfaction whenever we successfully shoplifted a few items.One fateful day, we plotted to steal shoes again. Stealing shoes had always been a routine for us. Our targets were usually World of Sports, Royal Sporting House or Bata. Our plan had never failed before, until that day.Three of us entered Royal Sporting House, wearing stern expressions. We pretended to browse around the clothes section, then, as we progressed to the shoes section, we showed signs of excitement by saying “This is nice!” or “I wonder if they’ve got size six for this pair or not?”A sales assistant marched to us. He looked young, and we believed he was only a temp there. We smiled, knowing a temp was an easier target. “What size are you looking for, Mdm?”I always felt proud to be called “Mdm” at the age of thirteen. My friend, Maggie, replied indifferently, “Do you have size six for this?” She showed the sales assistant a particular design. It cost a hundred bucks.The sales assistant politely told us to wait and went off. Within the same minute, he came back with a pair. Maggie tried it on and it fitted her perfectly. However, she frowned and then looked up to the sales assistant with a seductive smile. “This feels too small. Do you have, like, size six and a quarter?”We all howled in laughter. The sales assistant looked amused. He put on his smile and said, “How about size seven?”“Will do!” Maggie chirped. “You go look for size seven. If there isn’t any I’ll take this one.” She began to trace the design of the shoe with her finger. The sales assistant hinted at her to take the shoe off but Maggie was totally immersed in appreciating the beauty of the shoe. Finally the sales assistant gave up and went off in search for size seven.In one smooth motion, I took out a Royal Sporting House plastic bag from my bag. Maggie took off the shoe and threw it into the box. We glanced around the busy shop. When we confirmed it was safe, we placed the shoebox into the plastic bag and I strolled out of the shop, feeling victorious.No one came forward to stop me. The alarm did not ring. After all, how could anyone steal a pair of shoes? They were all supposed to be stacked neatly in the storeroom. When I was out of the shop, I pictured Maggie and the sales assistant quarreling in my mind. Maggie would not lose; after all, customers are always right. I could only pity the poor sales assistant who must be wondering if he did place the size six shoes back in the storeroom. He might even consider quitting his job.While I was lost in my thoughts, someone tapped my shoulder. A pretty girl with shiny long hair smiled at me and said, “Put that pair of shoes down. They’re coming to get you.”I studied her. She looked a little older than me and had the kind of features that any teenager would envy. Her eyes were as round as her eyeballs and the dimples on her cheeks were deeply curved to perfection. “What the fuck are you talking about?” I demanded.“Trust me. That sales assistant is the supervisor, not a temp. He has met all sorts of people. He’s coming for you. Drop it, or you’ll regret it forever!”I stared at her. She seemed to know everything. After an internal debate, I decided to trust her and threw the shoes into a rubbish bin. A few minutes later, to my surprise, the sales assistant, together with two security officers, came up and apprehended me. When they found nothing on me, they gave up and I let out a long sigh of relief. It was my closest encounter with a criminal record.After that dreadful incident, the girl showed up at my house. I had no idea how she obtained my address. We chatted a little. I later knew her to be Landy. As time went by, we became good friends. She was older than me by four years and was working full-time as a clerk. My mum died when I was fourteen and I cut off links with all my friends save Landy.Somehow or other, Landy stayed with me through thick and thin. Knowing that I disliked going out, she came to my house to chat with me instead. If there was only one blessing in my life, it was definitely having a friend like Landy.
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It was so ironically hilarious when we realized our play lasted only five minutes if we suffered no NG. Our play was supposed to be “ten to fifteen” minutes long.“Look, I think we’ll have to rewrite the script.” Our so-called director, Delvin, suggested. He was one of our classmates with the most outstanding leadership qualities. “I’m open to all ideas.”We ransacked our minds and a few ideas were proposed but none of them seemed to work. Amid the mood of depression which had descended over the room, Jacky stood up and told us, “Trust Joanna and me. We’ll be able to prolong it with our acting. Won’t we, Joanna?”I sank deeper into my chair and pondered. What did he mean by that? He was smiling at me again. I felt my hair standing up. What was he thinking now? I bit my teeth, hoping that he would not suggest some outrageous proposal that would embarrass both of us.“It’ll be a lot more realistic if we act out the play without directly following the script. For example, if the audience laughs, we’ll extend the humorous scene. If the audience is crying, we’ll extend the sad scene. Of course, that would mean we’d have to add our own lines to the play. You understand?”After some brainstorming, they all agreed to that idea. I wanted so much to debate, to confess my disagreement, but upon seeing their exhausted faces, I consented. After we were dismissed, we all headed in different directions except Jacky and me. We stayed together as I wanted to confront him about the idea.“Why propose that stupid idea?” I probed.“For fun, Joanna! For fun! And for authenticity! Don’t you think the whole play will look a lot more realistic if we don’t follow a script? I mean-”“You won’t understand! I need to follow a script! I can’t… I can’t talk well. I… I’m afraid I will say the wrong thing and…” I choked on my words and halted.“Tell me what’s stopping you from opening your heart, Joanna. Please.”I was shaking softly. His warm hands embraced my shoulders and he lowered his voice. “Please tell me more about yourself. Why you’re keeping everything to yourself. Why you’re living in your own world. Please.”“Get away!” I pushed him off, my face burning red. After I had taken a few steps back, my cell phone rang. It was Landy. I rejected the call and turned back at Jacky. “You won’t be able to help me! No one can! No one!”“Let me help you, please! Believe me! You won’t fail if you keep trying!”“No! You can’t, you’ll never! I’m going to withdraw from that fucking play, and you and your fucking good friends can be Juliet!”“Joanna-”“I killed my father, my mother and many other people! I’m a fucking murderer, a fucking killer, a fucking sinner!”I turned and dashed out of the hall. The moment I was outside the school, I raised my hand and a taxi stopped. I let out a soft moan of despair before I swung open the door and went off in search of respite.

2008-07-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

Chapter 2When I reached home that evening, Landy was lying on the sofa, crunching a packet of potato chips I had just brought a few days ago.“How’s your first day of school?” she asked. She had small eyes and a sharp nose to match her jaws. I had always believed that she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. In fact, for a long period of time, I had hoped I had the same countenance as her. I even desired to live her life: Carefree, with boys lining up to hold her hand.I told her everything about Jacky and the embarrassment that he had caused me. Landy is the only person that I can pour my sorrows to. She will often drop by my house for a chat. My grandmother always opens the door for her if I am not in.“So what, you’re going to avoid him for the next two years?” Landy said. “I bet he’s going to stick to you these two years.”“You know I can’t talk to him.” I muttered. “I can’t harm him.”“Makes sense.” Landy poured herself a cup of coffee and relaxed on the sofa. “Don’t you fall in love with him.”“I’ll never!” I retorted almost instantly. “I mean… I …”“Never is a very strong word. Remember your curse.” Landy reminded. “Remember. If you fall in love with him, you’ll harm him.”I lay beside her and memories of how my mother died flowed back without mercy. “I know…”We spent the next two hours trying to figure out how to stay away from Jacky. And two hours later, we slept on the sofa with no solutions in mind.
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There was no way for me to avoid Jacky completely.At classes, he would volunteer to sit beside me and I could not reject him. He would try very hard at starting a conversation but I would always hint him to shut up by giving him a silent glare. It often worked, but after a few minutes, he would be talking again.During lunch break, we would eat together. He always offered to help me to buy the drinks. I wanted to tell him off, to say that I preferred to eat alone, but when he returned with my favorite drink, I gave in and just ate my meal in silence, trying hard to keep my eyes off him. Rumours about us being an item surfaced after a few weeks. Jacky was especially concerned about disclaiming them. However, no one believed him. One day he even threatened to beat anyone who spread the rumours, and that was the first time I saw his trademark smile vanishing from his face.“Why do you get so angry when people say something about us?” I asked him that day.“I don’t wanna spoil your reputation. What if no one dares to woo you?” he answered matter-of-factly. “I don’t wanna destroy your future.”“Then why are you still sticking to me everyday?” I probed on.It took him a while to register the question. “I…” he smiled once more. “I wanna help you. To see you smile.”He turned away then whispered again, “To see your smile.”“Why?”“I want to do something meaningful while I can.”Ironically, I frowned and brought the conversation to a halt. I told Landy about what Jacky said to me that night, and we spent over three hours pondering on what he meant. And as usual, we managed to conclude nothing.
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Four months had passed since we started school.I remembered that on a Tuesday morning, Mrs Goh, our Literature lecturer, suddenly declared, “Every year, we have a Drama competition organized by the Literature Club. Every class is encouraged to send a team forward. This competition, I believe, will help a lot in your Literature. So I’m going to get this entire class to join.”The students whispered protests but Mrs Goh insisted. “Every one of you will help out in creating a play.”Michael, one of the noisier guys, volunteered to be the scriptwriter. We spent the next fifteen minutes trying to find a suitable plot. In the end we settled for the final scene in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. It was the scene where Romeo would drink the poison and Juliet wake up to find a dead Romeo. However, there would be an interesting twist to it. They would speak in “Singlish” to add a Singaporean touch. And Juliet would drink the poison instead. We reckoned that would add points to our play.“Okay, who’s good at acting here?” Mrs Goh glanced around the class. I was toying with my fingers, not concentrating on the discussion. “Let’s find a Juliet first… hmm, whose name starts with ‘J’?”“Me!” Jacky raised up his hand in ecstasy. “Me, me!”That idiot.“You wanna be Juliet?” Mrs Goh mocked and the class erupted into laughter. “We need a girl, Jacky. It’s supposed to be a sad scene, not a funny scene where a macho guy acts as Juliet.”Jacky giggled and announced, “Okay, I volunteer to be Romeo then.” Sighs of relief washed past several male students. “But I have a request.”“Which is?”I looked up at Jacky. He was staring at my eyes. Oh, shit. I did not like that look. “I want Joanna to be Juliet. J for Joanna.” The whole class cheered as if Andy Lau had just sang a song.That guy just would not let me study in peace, would he?
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We had our first rehearsal in the school hall a few days later. It was unlike the normal tragic ending in Romeo and Juliet. We had to add in “leh”s, “lah”s and “oei”s into the dialogue to make it sound more Singlish. I wondered if it would reverse the scene from tragedy to humour.“No… cannot be… you cannot die one…” I cried without tears. Jacky lay on the floor with his eyes closed. His lips were trembling, threatening to laugh any moment. “If you die, I also die then!” He could control it no longer. He chuckled out loud, infecting the entire hall with laughter as well.And I always frowned when they laughed because it would prolong the rehearsal. Every time there was a rehearsal scheduled after school, I would think of numerous excuses to skip it, but in the end I would still attend the rehearsal.
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When I told Landy about my role as Juliet in the play, she laughed for fifteen minutes. “You, Juliet? Juliet!”I had not expected my best friend to react in that way. Actually, I was hoping for some understanding from her. I kept quiet and when she sensed my displeasure, she lowered her voice and said, “You don’t like it?”“I don’t like it.” I answered. “I don’t like talking.”“Are you going to ‘curse’ anyone in the script?”“No. I’ll be following the script. No worries.”“Then it shall be fine.” Landy replied. “You will enjoy yourself. After all, Jacky is Romeo. It will create a romantic-”“Landy!” I cut her. “Don’t start!”My grandmother came out of her room and stared at both of us with her eyebrows lowered. She was three-quarters blind. She hobbled towards the kitchen with the help of her walking stick and muttered, “Is that Landy?” she did not wait for Landy to answer. “It’s late. Landy, don’t you have to work tomorrow?”“Tomorrow is my day off, granny. I’m going to have a nice, long chat with Joan-, I mean, Juliet!” Landy exclaimed and we broke into a string of laughter. I helped my grandmother to the toilet and then back to her room. When we were alone once more, Landy persisted, “That Jacky seems to be interested in you, Joanna.”“Don’t give a damn. I will never like him, period.”“Let’s try to analyze what he meant when he said he wanted to help you.”With that, our girls’ talk lasted for more than three hours before we slept. And yes, you’ve guessed it; we did not come to any conclusions.
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We were supposed to get a theme song for our play.Almost everyone had his or her own views. Some preferred love songs whereas others preferred classics. A few of us even thought that including a song in the play was a bad idea. After an intense discussion, we decided to browse through HMV at The Heeren to see if we could find a suitable song.When we reached the place, everyone else rushed into HMV as if they were children at Toys’R’Us. I sat at the edge of a fountain outside HMV. To my surprise, Jacky did not go in as well. He sat beside me and grinned. “Not going in?”I shook my head. The loud music inside the store always gave me headaches.“Well, me too. Bad for the ears.” He said, slapping his ears. Then he laughed at his own joke. “Well then, I’ve dug out another secret of yours. Secret number ninety-one of Joanna Fung: She does not like music stores. It’s the same secret as mine. I don’t like music stores as well.”“Good for you.”“Then how did you get your music CDs?”“Through a friend.” Notice the friend was singular. I have only one friend and her name is Landy.“Okay, great, secret number ninety-two of Joanna Fung: She does have friends outside Junior College! That’s good! That’s very good! That’s damn really freaking good!”“It’s not funny.” I mumbled and darted my eyes up. “I’m going up to the Adidas Shop to have a look.”“Count me in.” We went up and browsed for about ten minutes then met up with our classmates. They had all decided on a theme song. It was Only Love by Trademark. Jacky and I both agreed on that as well.We all went back to school that evening for another round of rehearsal. The play was due in three months’ time. For the first time, we did the entire play without an N.G. The song was played first, and then it faded out as I entered the scene to witness an unconscious Jacky on the floor. I walked slowly towards him and sat beside him, my tears dripping (the magical eye drops).“Romeo… no… cannot be… you cannot die one…” I pressed my head to his chest and I could hear his heart beating. “You promise me so many things… so many things! You must not die… open your eyes leh…” I tightened my grip and then yelled aloud, “No!”The song played again for a while. When it faded away, I held up the cup of poison beside me and said, “What for I live when you die already…? If you die, I also die then!” Then I gulped down the ‘poison’ (it was chestnut water) and within the same second, I shook my head gently and lost my balance.The chorus of the song played for a minute or so, loudly. Behind my closed eyes, I could feel Jacky moving a little, and then his voice came. “Juliet? Juliet! Juliet?!”He must have found out about the poison when he groaned, “No, Juliet…” I knew he had stabbed himself when he slumped onto my back.Now I knew why he volunteered to be Romeo. He only needed to memorize two words and got to lie on a pretty girl’s back. Smart guy.